On a Bus in Mexico
by DCFanatic4life
Summary: He posted the picture to the world, but it was only meant for her...Chris/Stephanie
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or real people portrayed in this story. The characters are owned by the WWE and the real people own themselves. There is mild swearing and adult situations in this story so you've been warned. There's nothing too explicit, but just be forewarned on the language beyond this point.

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**A/N: So this story is based on a picture Chris posted on his Twitter while they were on a bus in Mexico. It just kind of came to me and since I'm finishing up a couple stories soon, I figured it'd be okay to drop in a new story so what the hey, here it is. So this entire story was written on AIM so it might seem a bit choppy. I hope it doesn't sound too bad, but if it is, go ahead and be brutal. I hope it's okay though and that you enjoy and leave a review and let me know if I should continue with it or not. :)

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They were his bedroom eyes.

He wouldn't say he was necessarily horny at the moment because he was on a bus full of wrestlers and nobody on it was particularly alluring, no matter how charming the Bella twins thought they were. When his thoughts turned to Stephanie though, probably curled up in bed, the covers up to her chin and her eyes opening and closing slowly as she fought sleep so she could look at him for those last few moments before she drifted off, yeah, it got him a little turned on. Not like he was going to do anything about it here, on a bus, with other wrestlers, sleeping and snoring around him. It was difficult for him to sleep like this when the road was bumpy and the seats uncomfortable.

So he tried to read, but Adam had stuck his head around Chris's seat and grumbled, "Turn off the damn light, man, some people are trying to sleep." Chris, being the nice guy he was, turned it off, leaving only the ambient lights that barely gave him enough light to see his own hands. He grabbed his ipod and stuck in his headphones, listening to some music and playing some of the games on it, but that quickly got boring. He felt his phone buzz and he grabbed it, hoping it was from Stephanie and it was. He grinned and looked at the message and saw there was a video attached. He grinned even wider as he stuck his headphones into his phone now and then turned so only he could see his phone, pressing play.

Stephanie smiled at him from wherever she was in his house. "Hey, baby, thought you might like a little video while you're probably bored on the bus."

She knew him too well.

"First of all, I need to go check on the babies. Let's look in on Aurora." The camera bumped along with Stephanie and then they opened a door and went into a room that Chris recognized as his daughters' room. They shared for now as Murphy had issues with sleeping by herself. Stephanie turned the light on to the dimmest setting and Chris watched as the camera focused on the sleeping Aurora, who was clinging to a stuffed bunny he'd given her for Easter.

"Beautiful," Stephanie whispered to the camera with a wink as she turned to the crib on the other side. "Let's check in on this rebel."

They called Murphy their little rebel because she was constantly disappearing, much to Stephanie's dismay. Murphy was turned on her side away from the camera, facing the wall and the camera flashed to Stephanie, who jokingly wiped her forehead. "Whew, still here."

Stephanie went and turned off the light before sneaking out of the room and then turning towards the camera again. "So those two are good, though they'd probably be better if Daddy were here. Let's check on the other one." The camera turned down towards her stomach, which was protruding quite far these days. "Looking good down there, baby?" She laughed and then turned the camera back towards her. "The baby kicked, it knows when to perform, just like Daddy...wait, that sounded dirty, I meant when you're in the ring not in the bedroom...although, wait, yes, you're good there too. I wish you were here actually, we could have a little fun, but since you're not, I'm going to head to bed. Just know that all four of us are okay and we all miss you and love you, bye, baby."

The video ended and Chris sighed happily. Traveling was difficult and hard, but when you had someone like Stephanie to help you through it, it made everything that much easier. They were waiting until the baby was born to let their relationship come out into the open. They had figured, well, she had figured, that after three children together it was about time they told the truth. Chris had asked to postpone so she didn't have to go through any undue stress with her pregnancy. She'd agreed so for now, they were still keeping everything a secret, though Chris was already looking for homes in the Connecticut area for the four, almost five of them. He'd have to figure out what was going to happen with Ash and the girls, but he figured they might stay with Jessica. He pushed it out of his mind, this was the kind of stress he'd been talking about.

He wanted to watch the video again, but Stephanie was probably waiting for an answer and thinking about her being flustered thinking about how he "performed" gave him an idea. He laughed quietly, looking around the bus. Nobody was even paying attention to him. Cena was in the seat across from him, snoring like a buzzsaw. How did his wife put up with that when Chris wanted to shove a screwdriver up his nose to get him to stop? Either way, it meant that nobody could see him. He turned the camera towards him and gave his best look for her, a little bit a smirk that promised more and that tousled look she loved so much. She told him she loved when he looked a little roughed up. It probably explained why they slept together in the first place. That first time had been after No Mercy in 2001. He'd just won the WCW championship and his hair had been falling in his face and he'd been teasing her about how she'd fallen on her butt at the end of the match. Then she'd kissed him. She'd kissed him and she'd pushed him on the couch and before he could really think of the consequences she was guiding him into her and the rest had been history. Okay, so that thought made him hot too.

He clicked the picture and sent it along to her with the message, "So you think I can perform?"

He felt satisfied with himself and leaned back in his chair. The bus ride was secondary to talking with Stephanie, like most things in his life. He got another message and he smiled when he looked and then frowned when he realized it was from Jessica. He closed his eyes for a moment and counted to ten. He could only guess what this was about. It seemed nowadays that the only times she contacted him were when she wanted something or when she wanted to complain about something. That was their relationship at this point, she complained and whined and he tried to block her out as much as he could. He got another message and this one was from Stephanie. And there were the choices. There was the message from his wife and the woman he loved. Quite the predicament. To read or not to read. He decided to read Jessica's first, might as well take the bad news first and wash it down with the good.

"The fucking dogs won't stop crying. I can't believe I let you talk me into MORE shit to take care of while you're gone. Thanks again, asshole."

Yup, like he suspected. He thought the kids would love the dogs, but Jessica didn't see that, she just saw two more things that shit and pissed and she had to take care of. So she complained about it. Yesterday it had been the fact that Cheyenne had put a handprint on the wall with fingerpaint (that was washable if she'd taken the time to read the box). But he just took it, though if he were to respond right now, he might get her back with a, "You know what bugs the hell out of me? That you make out with other guys while I'm up on stage performing, that's what bugs the fuck out of me." But the time for those words would come. He took another deep breath and went for the message he really wanted.

"Oh, I know you can perform, I have more than enough kids to prove that, you could work on me right now though if you were here."

There was a picture and it was a mirror of his own. Her face lit up his screen and her smirk decidedly more mischievous. He licked his lips a little and thought about Stephanie. Another message popped up from her and he clicked it quickly. "Did I mention I was naked?"

Okay, were his pants getting tighter and the bus getting hotter or was it just him. He looked around and nobody was awake except for Randy Orton in the very, very back of the bus and he was playing air drums to something. Chris thought of what to say, but he could only think of one thing. "Do you know how much you're killing me here?"

He waited and waited for her next message and he didn't have to wait long as his phone buzzed again. He didn't want to think about her naked and if she actually sent him a suggestive picture, then he might have to squeeze his ass into the gross bathroom in the back of this bus and take care of himself. Only with Stephanie would he venture to go in there. Batista had used it earlier and God knew what the smell was like in there now. Chris always made sure to go before they left so he wouldn't have to suffer the pain of the bus bathroom. Still, if Stephanie turned him on hard enough, he might take the risk just to relieve the tension. Surely though, she knew where he was and wasn't trying to do anything to make him horny. Surely she wouldn't do that...

He clicked her message, "Killing you? What, me? I was just telling you that I was naked, how is that supposed to turn you on?"

How indeed, that little tease. She did that, she _loved_ that, the teasing. She did it all the time. When they'd been playing as business partners and they'd had that scene where she gave him Paul's robe, she'd deliberately started to lean in, looking like she was going to kiss him. Then she'd pulled back and he'd been flustered until she pulled him into a hug. He remembered thinking, for a moment, if Stephanie was going to kiss him, right there on-screen, with no storyline to back up their story. She loved to do things like that, little teasing things. So yes, he thought she was deliberately turning him on.

Another message, "You know, you should post that picture to your Twitter, give them a taste of what I get over and over and over again..."

Why did she have to say over and over and over again? Now all he could think about was himself hovering over her and being with her and kissing her skin, that soft, pliant skin. Stephanie wasn't bony like some of the women around here. There was something so womanly about Stephanie's body and it wasn't necessarily because she was pregnant. There was just something so beautiful about her body, like she had curves in all the right places and a softness that when he was with her, he felt like a man, if that made any sense at all. She made him feel that way; she made him feel special. With Paul away working on his two movies, they were playing family a lot these days. He'd sometimes tell Jessica he was flying somewhere for business, but instead, he'd go stay the weekend with Stephanie and they'd act like the family he'd always imagined. He felt bad for leaving his other children behind, but his two girls needed him as well. Why was everything happy in his life tampered with something bad? Why, for everything good, was there something equally as bad?

He took her advice and posted the picture on his Twitter, not noting the fact that it was not meant for them, but meant for Stephanie. He wasn't ready for _that_ kind of confession, especially not on a silly social networking site like Twitter. He could imagine the uproar, people wondering if he were telling the truth. He waited for the responses, usually there was someone hanging on his every word ready to comment. He wondered if anyone would suspect what he'd really been up to. No, they all seemed pretty oblivious, nobody would suspect that he was posting it to his...mistress. He hated that word, it wasn't the right word for Stephanie. Love of his life, yes, that sounded better. Soulmate, better.

His...perfect.

That would happen, he was sure of it. It wouldn't be long now. His sixth child was due soon and then everything would come out into the open. He couldn't wait for that moment. If he could have someone snap a picture when Stephanie told Paul, he wished he could. Maybe he could get one of the WWE photographers to take a picture for him. The moment Paul's reign of terror ended; he couldn't wait, hell, the entire roster save a couple of guys probably couldn't wait either. He looked around the bus and wondered who would actually call him a hero when he and Stephanie came clean and who would think they were screwed. Sheamus would definitely fit in the screwed category. Adam would definitely call him a hero. Chris was going to be different. He wasn't going to abuse his power and he wasn't going to make Stephanie that insecure thing that Paul had tried to make her. Paul had told her time and time again that she couldn't do better, that she'd never do better than him, but boy had that asshole been wrong. Oh yes, he'd definitely be considered more a hero than anything else.

He grabbed his phone and started to type out his next message to her, "I posted it, I'm going to watch the fangirls go wild, do you want the updates or are you just going to read them yourself?"

Stephanie had access to his account and he knew she went on there occasionally to see what people said about him. The message back took only a few moments, "I want you to keep me updated."

He knew what that meant. Sometimes, when he was especially bored and he and Stephanie were separated, they would send videos to one another. It kept them in each other's lives and she would play the less risqué videos for their daughters and then they would want to send him a video back. Chris went onto his twitpic and there were already several messages on the picture. Leave it to the fangirls to be on top of these things. One of Stephanie's favorite type of videos was Chris talking about his fans and then joking about them. He looked through the posts and laughed. Oh, this was going to be good.

He went to his video camera and then pressed record before going back to the twitpic page. "Okay, so first of all, we've got, this one person, for the sake of anonymity, I won't say who is who, but okay, first message, okay, you wouldn't get the reference so let's skip that, second message, 'Um... is that a gold chain necklace? Are you a rapper from the 80's, Jericho?' Well that one is just mean. It's not even gold, it's gold-plated, if anything, I'm a disco dancer from the 70's, I'm officially insulted. Okay, this one says, 'omg I am scuured!' I don't know what scuured is, but it sounds like a mix between scurvy and being bored, so apparently I'm a bored pirate..."

"Okay, so this person posted that twice, apparently it was pretty urgent for her to inform me that I have scurvy, but don't worry, I'll eat an orange when we get off the bus. Okay, so the next one, 'You look like a criminals,' I don't think she finished the sentence, I look like a criminal's what? Hotter, law-abiding brother? I'll go with that and don't you dare bring up the arrest, I wasn't the one who ran into the woods. Okay, next, 'Next TMZ headline: Jericho goes on killing spree in Mexico! Steals earbuds and shiny, gold necklace!' Oh, well, if that's the case, I love you baby and I hope you'll be okay while I'm wasting away in a Mexican prison."

Adam stuck his head around the seats again, "What the hell are you doing?"

Chris, surprised that he'd woken up, looked at him. "What are you doing up?"

"You're being loud, what are you doing?"

"Just recording a message to my woman," Chris answered.

"Hey, Stephanie," Edge whispered, winking at the camera.

"What the..."

"Dude, you're obvious, besides, I can see the phone from where I'm sitting," Adam told him. "I've known for months though, now be quieter!"

Chris turned the camera towards him. "I guess we're not ninjas like we thought, okay, so back to these messages, 'Jericho is a sexy sexy beast.' Can't argue with that. And...well, damn, that's all for now, baby, sorry. I'll keep you posted though, maybe you should head to bed and have good dreams about a certain blond-haired, blue-eyed Canadian."

"Yup, dream about me," Adam said, through the seats.

"Dude, stop it!" Chris said, nearly grabbing his chest. "Okay, goodnight, baby."

"Night baby," Adam added and Chris sent the message. "So, okay, let me guess...I'm going to guess this started in...2007 when you came back. I mean, she did get you to come back and maybe her way was through her body, so come on. Actually, maybe I should start bets, would I win though, you can tell me."

"No, you're way off," Chris told him, "and if you tell anyone, I will kill you."

"Like people don't already know," Adam rolled his eyes. "We're all just waiting on it."

"Well you're going to have to wait a little longer."

"Can we get Paul's reaction on video? We've all just been waiting for Stephanie to come to her senses, when did this start, you've got to spill."

"No, go back to sleep," Chris said.

"Dude, you can't blue-ball me...oh wait, is that what Stephanie is doing to you right now?" Adam joked with a chuckle. Chris groaned and turned away from his friend. "I bet you're wishing you were still on the SmackDown roster right now...except if you think about it, who is worse than me but Jay? So if you think that I'm bad, Jay would be a million times worse so there's no way around it."

"I need to travel with the NXT guys then."

"So you can be bombarded with 'So how did you get into the business?' 'How did you find out you were going to be the Undisputed Champion' questions? Face it, dude, any way you slice this, you're going to have to give up information. So come on, tell me, tell me, tell me!"

"I'm sleeping!" Chris said.

"Shut up!" Batista yelled from somewhere on the bus.

"I hate you all," Chris muttered.

"Dude, come on, 2007 right?"

"No," Chris hissed, closing his eyes.

"2008?"

"No."

"2009?"

"Go away," Chris said as his phone buzzed again.

"What did she say?" Edge asked, actually coming around the seat and sitting next to him.

Chris looked at him, "Who said you could sit there?"

"Do you think she's going to send you a naked video? Does she look hot naked? Oh holy shit, dude," Edge said, his voice lowering as he leaned in to whisper conspiratorially, "Is this kid yours?"

"Go back to your seat," Chris said, shoving him.

"It is, isn't it? Oh fucking hell, man, I'm going to go ahead and call the production crew to set up the cameras now and be on the ready!"

"Shut up," Chris said, shoving him.

"Wow, so this is what, your 4th kid, congratulations," Adam said with a nod. Chris averted his eyes a little as he fiddled with his phone, getting to Stephanie's message.

"Adam knows? Oh well, it's not like it'll be a secret forever. Nice to know that other people think you're a sexy beast because I was starting to believe I was the only one. You can't be a scurvy pirate because you don't have a hook for a hand. Keep me updated!"

"Holy shit...this isn't your first kid with Stephanie, is it?" Adam whispered. "Murphy is yours too, isn't she?"

"Would you just go back to your seat?"

"She is, right, she's your kid, holy shit, this is awesome."

"Look, it's none of your business how many kids I have," Chris said, pushing away from Adam. This was becoming way too close for comfort and with all the wrestlers around them and prying ears not the right place to talk about his relationship with Stephanie. "So just go back to your seat."

"No way, now that I know you and Stephanie are an item, I have to know the details, all of them."

"What?"

"The details, man, come on, this is a long-ass bus ride, we're in the middle of fucking Mexico, everyone except Randy is asleep and he's now playing what I think might be the air mandolin. So come on, let it out, you know you want to..."

"I don't want to."

"Oh, you do, I can see it in your eyes, it's killing you. Does anyone else know?"

"Shane," Chris answered.

"No...fucking...way," Edge gasped. "Her brother! Oh man, that's awesome beyond words. So come on, you can't leave me hanging like this. We've got the time, I'm wide awake now, you're awake, your woman is thousands of miles away and unless she's sending you a naked video of her getting herself off, which, I don't know, the thought of a pregnant woman doing that is weird, then you've got nothing to do, so please, please, please, tell me how this all started? I'm dying to know, plus, when you do tell Paul and he doesn't believe you guys, I'll be your back-up."

"No."

"Please?"

"Stop it," Chris said. He looked back at his phone. "Adam is bugging me, he wants to know everything between us."

"Pretty, pretty please," Adam said, sticking his head up and looking around. "Dude, seriously, everyone's asleep, also Miz sucks his thumb while he sleeps, hold on." Adam stood up and pulled his phone out of his pocket, going down a couple rows and snapping a picture with his camera before coming back to Chris and sitting down. "That will be a perfect source of blackmail, so come on, let it all out, man."

"No!"

Then another message from Stephanie.

"Just tell him then."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for all the great reviews, everyone, and I'm glad that the chapter wasn't too choppy. I actually left a little part out so if you haven't reread it, there was a part missing so you might want to go back and look. I hope this chapter is okay, kind of iffy on it, but I hope you enjoy and if you want to review, that would be great and I'd love you forever. :)

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"Look, dude, she wants you to tell me."

"I don't think she wants me to tell you."

"She just said you should," Adam said, tapping his phone. "You can't deny the lady, she's having your baby, so you can't deny her anything. Besides, everyone is asleep, it's just us and I bet you're really dying to get it out."

"I'm not dying," he told Adam, though the thought of telling someone was exhilarating. Shane had not found out by them telling him. He had stumbled onto some e-mails they had sent back and forth and had confronted Chris about it. Chris, because he just didn't see the point in lying to a man who didn't like Paul either, told the truth and Shane promised he would keep the secret if he made his sister an honest woman, which he planned to do as soon as they were both free in a few months.

Still, if someone knew, he didn't know, it would be nice to actually tell someone. While keeping secrets had its benefits for sure, it also had its drawbacks. He had to hide his love for Stephanie and that was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do. Her marriage was falling apart and she and Paul slept in separate rooms now. She claimed it was because she couldn't sleep on the firm mattress in their bedroom so she was sleeping on the softer one in the guest bedroom, but she had just given up on anything between them. She'd kept up the charade for so long because Chris kept up the charade for so long.

"You are, I can tell, you need to get it out. You need to tell me about it, it's cool, I'm a good listener, you could call up Jay right now and he'll tell you all about it. So come on. How did it start, when did it start? I bet it's a hot story, huh?"

"Like I'm going to tell you about my sex life in detail," Chris scoffed.

"You at least have to give up how Stephanie is in bed. I bet she's insatiable. She looks like it. She's too nice backstage and then too hot onstage to be a complete prude in the bedroom."

"Dude, that's the mother of my children you're talking about," he hissed.

"Children," Adam smirked. "Okay, well that confirms that at least two of her children are yours, interesting. So come on, how did it all start?"

"I'm not telling you here."

"Dude, it is so boring," Adam said, gesturing outside. "It's the middle of the night, this bus ride is insanely long and I can't sleep. How everyone else is able to sleep is beyond me, so spill, I'm bored, I deserve it anyways."

"How do you deserve it?" he asked.

"I had to give up being tag team title holders with you and we would've rocked and then you went and were great with Paul so you owe me the story."

"That makes no sense," Chris said. He was just trying to resist for the sake of resisting. He knew that he could trust Adam with his life, but this wasn't his life, this was his life _with_ Stephanie. "Besides, you never know who's faking sleep."

"I don't think anyone is faking," he said, standing up and looking down at the person sitting in front of them. "It's just Eve, so no worries, come on. Actually, she's kind of pretty while she sleeps. Not that I'm a creeper or anything, just an observance." He quickly sat back down lest

"Fine," Chris said, giving in just to get him to stop talking so loud before the entire bus knew his business.

"Yes," Adam said, pumping his fist. "I knew I'd break you down."

"You're not breaking me down, you're annoying me."

"Tomato, to_ma_to," he shrugged. "Either way, spill."

"I was pretty tired after my match…"

_I was sweaty and sticky, but I still felt good. I couldn't even describe the feeling coursing through me, if it was really just one feeling. It might have been a million feelings running and bumping into each other in my veins. I couldn't discern any particular one except excitement, that one was prevailing and invading every cell in my body. The irony was not lost on me though. This was my first major title win and it was the championship I'd never even sniffed in WCW. Yet, here I was, holding the big gold belt in my arms, running one of my hands over the face. I'd held it a couple times when Chris Benoit had held it. I'd looked at it longingly at those times, but now it was mine and it was different._

_I wanted to call his wife, ask if she had seen and if she was watching. She'd said she'd be watching because I'd told her I was winning. She didn't usually watch the bigger shows, only catching me on Raw and SmackDown. It wasn't that she didn't like wrestling, she just didn't get it. Not in the sense that she didn't know which moves were which, but she thought me better than wrestling and while I appreciated the sentiment, I loved wrestling, it was in my blood so deeply._

"_Chris, you were great out there!"_

_I turned and saw Stephanie standing there, rumpled, but her face bright and smiling. Some of her hair was in her face from being pulled into the ring during the match. Rocky hadn't been easy on her, but she'd never told him to go easy on her, he never would. She never asked anyone to go easy on her. Still, I found myself not putting her in the Walls as hard. She was my friend and I cared about her so I would go easy on her a lot. She looked so excited for me that it seemed to double my own excitement. She came up and hugged me, not caring if I was sweaty._

"_Steph, you don't want to hug me right now," I told her._

"_I don't really care," she said._

"_Come on, walk and talk with me," I told her since she seemed determined to talk to me. She nodded and we started down the hallway. "You really thought I was good out there?"_

"_Are you kidding me, this has been a long time coming," she told me, poking me in the shoulder. My hair was falling in my face a little bit, but I saw no reason to move it and just continued walking on. Stephanie had always been one of my biggest supporters though Lords knows why. I'd never really done anything spectacular and the one time I'd asked her, after she apologized that the title win I'd have would only be temporary and that it would be revoked later that evening, she'd shrugged me off and said it was nothing. But it was still something._

"_Only to you."_

"_And your millions of fans," she told me. "You are just cocky enough that you know you have a ton of fans, Chris, don't act all humble like you're some new jobber who has come into the company. This title win should've happened a long time ago if I'd had my way."_

"_But you don't."_

"_I will though," she told me. "Soon enough. My dad is starting to give me more creative control and if I have my way, you will have the title all the time."_

"_You can't do that, it won't be solely your decision," I told her. I was glad she believed in me, but it was still pretty ridiculous to think that she could have me have the title all the time. Then I added, "But what about Paul? Wouldn't he be mad at you?"_

"_Oh, didn't you hear?" she asked me and I shook my head, making my hair get in my face even more. I shook my head trying to get the hair out so I could see her properly, but it was sticking to my forehead. "Paul and I aren't seeing each other anymore? My dad…he has a problem with me seeing a wrestler and he told me that if I'm really meant to be with him that I should try other relationships."_

"_And are you?" I wondered. I'd not seen her with anyone, but if her father discouraged her from dating a wrestler, she probably wouldn't be seen with anyone here._

"_I went out on a couple dates with this guy I knew from college, but it didn't pan out," she shrugged. We made our way into his locker room and she followed me inside._

"_So you're saving yourself for Paul then?" I teased._

_"Please, I'm not _that_ desperate," she giggled and she had such a nice laugh, not like the one she used onscreen, which was mocking and hard. "So what are you going to do now that you're champion?"_

"_Probably go back to my hotel room, order some room service, call the wife, then call it a night," I told her as those were pretty much my plans._

"_You aren't going to celebrate?" she asked me, like I should've had some huge party planned the moment I found out I was winning the title._

"_Not really," I shrugged. "I guess I just want to celebrate privately."_

"_But you were so good out there."_

"_Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean I need a party," I laughed. "You were great too by the way. I especially loved how you fell on your butt. That was some real classic stuff right there. I bet everyone loved seeing you fall on your ass."_

"_Shut up," she said good-naturedly._

"_I liked seeing you on your butt," I laughed. "But then, my character loves to humiliate you."_

"_I could tell when you were mocking me," she told me and we both laughed and looked at each other._

_I can't even explain what happened next, I really can't. One moment we were looking at each other and yes, there was a little bit more sizzle in our stare. There'd always been an affection in our interactions, but something had changed right then. It was like we were different for a moment and then, everything just happened. I had her pinned up against the wall and we were making out and then she pushed me so we were on the couch and everything happened so fast. I don't even remember who took off whose clothes or who was the first one to even kiss the other. I just knew that we were on the couch and we were naked and suddenly, well, you know how it goes. It was over quickly because it was so heated and God, she was exciting._

_After it was over, we were laying on the couch and neither one of us really had anything to say so we just kind of lay there. "You're married," she finally spoke up. "God, you're married."_

"_It was a one time thing," I tried to reassure her._

"_You think so?" she asked and I wondered what she meant by that and she seemed to understand that I didn't know what she was talking about so she continued. "I just…it's like when the dam finally breaks, you know, it takes a long time for all the water to rush out. I'm not saying hey, let's have sex tomorrow, I'll pencil you in, but this carefully crafted dam we've been building has crumbled."_

"_That we've been building?"_

"_Oh give it up, Chris," she told me and I was still confused. It might have been the haze that was her body that rendered me dumb right then. "You know we've…well, I've…well, people talk."_

"_People, what people?"_

"_I don't know, everyone," she said, swishing her hand about the air like everyone was there at that moment. "They talk, they say…well they say that we're…they like us is all."_

"_Do _you_ like me?" I asked her, knowing she was all that mattered._

"_Well yes, yes I do like you."_

"_I'm still married though."_

"_And I'm not asking you to leave your wife after one…incident," she told me._

"_Incident?"_

"_Well, what would you rather call it?" she asked, silliness creeping into her voice._

"_I don't know…all I want to know is that do you think it will happen again?"_

"_Chris Irvine, I think it's inevitable."_


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews everyone, I'm still trying to get the feel of this story so I hope that this turned out alright. This one is for Moxie (SmoochyAddict) as she requested it. If you haven't already, you should go check out her stuff, it's great. Anyways, hope you enjoy the chapter and if you want to review, feel free to do so. :)

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"Whoa, whoa, whoa…"

"What?" Chris asked, looking around the bus and checking to make sure nobody was listening in on them. He pressed his fingers to his lips to shush Adam and make him take the volume down a few notches.

"You started having an affair in _2001_?" Adam asked with shock. "Dude, that's like…that's like almost _ten_ years ago. Are you serious? You've been sleeping with her for that long?"

"Well, that was the first time, yes."

"Wait, but that was before she was married, why didn't you just divorce your wife and be done with it?"

"It was complicated," Chris said. "I was married and well, afterwards, I know she said she thought that this was going to happen again, but I was determined not to, you know. I'd felt bad that I cheated on my wife and I thought I could end it with that."

"But obviously it didn't end, huh?" Adam laughed. Then he stopped and looked at Chris, his eyes wide. "Wait, if you didn't stop…dude, are _all_ her kids yours? Aurora, Murphy, and this new one?"

Chris blushed a little bit, totally against his will, but cleared his throat shortly and nodded. "They're all mine."

"Are you fucking serious?"

"They're all mine," Chris told him, his voice lowering.

"Dude, you have _six_ kids?" Adam said, giving a low whistle. "This is the kind of stuff you only see on TLC or something about families with tons of kids. Man, you sure do get around the block. Tell me again why you just won't get with Stephanie?"

"Shut up," Chris said, looking around again. "Well, there was Ash and then when I was gathering up the courage to leave, she got pregnant again and with the twins…it's just, it's a whole thing."

Adam shook his head. He couldn't believe the information that was shooting at him right now. "So you might as well go on with the story then because I'm not seeing how all this fits if you said that you wanted to end it with her."

_I did want to end things with her. I was a married man and I had never cheated on anyone, not anyone I'd ever dated and certainly not on Jessica. It was easy to cheat, being away like I was, but I'd just never had anyone who I'd wanted to cheat with. Stephanie, I don't know if she was the exception, but there was just something there that drew me to her. But I vowed to myself that it would only be one time, just one time and I could live with that guilty conscience for the rest of my life._

_Seeing her in the hallways was difficult though. She wasn't even doing anything particularly sexy or noticeable, but it was like everything she did now was magnified for me. She'd be standing there and it was in the way she clutched her clipboard to her chest or the way she'd flick a piece of stupidly crimped hair out of her face. I would just catch myself staring at her and then she would look over at me and smile and I felt like I was lost. I didn't want to feel that way, but I just did._

_I tried not to talk to her, but it proved difficult because she was just easing into the head writer and because of that, we had to interact. I wasn't at the point in my career where they totally trusted me with handling my own storylines. I didn't have a promo writer, but the direction my character went in was still determined by the writers so I had to speak to her and she always spoke in these soft tones to me, like everything in our world was a secret. Maybe I imagine them, I don't know, but everything was different. The way I saw her was different, the way her voice sounded was different._

_I guess I should have known then that I was falling in love with her or maybe I was just in love with her already. Maybe there was no actual falling with Stephanie, maybe it was just always there, I don't know. Working with her though, in such close proximity was difficult. I managed to stay away from her though for weeks. I would still see her and still feel that feeling, but I just couldn't do that to Jessica again. I loved Jessica, I didn't want to hurt her like I'd done, though she didn't know it. I was her husband and I had to be faithful to that relationship. Then Survivor Series rolled along, you know, the one where it was Team WWF and Team Alliance again and Kurt had pretended to go over to Team Alliance, but he was really a spy. Well, Stephanie was going to be taking some time off then, time off to be with Paul._

_I knew about their relationship of course, but I don't know, it didn't seem real at the time. He was away rehabbing and she didn't mention him much or bring him up or anything so I guess, maybe a part of me wanted it to be over between them, wanted Stephanie to be free. When I heard she was still with him and going to spend the last couple months of his rehab with him, I felt…mad, I don't know why, I still don't know why. I think maybe I was jealous or maybe I was just mad that I was something on the side to _her_ too, even though she was my something on the side. Whatever it was, it helped me stay away from her, at least until Survivor Series._

"I think I seem to remember you and Stephanie talking a lot during this time," Adam told him.

"I don't think we spent any more time talking to each other. There was just something different in the air. Like when you see someone naked for the first time, intimately, you never look at them the same again. Your eyes and brain always remember what you saw."

"Oh man, I know about that," Adam said, grinning lecherously and Chris could only guess which woman Adam had on his mind. Chris wasn't sure he wanted to know. The only person around here who was worse than Adam was Phil, at least on the male side of things. Barbie was certainly the slut on the ladies side.

"Well, it was kind of like that," Chris said.

_I don't know what it was about that night at Survivor Series. We'd barely talked past professional discussions about my character, but that night, I don't even know. She was so high on adrenaline from the match and I was too. I guess we just really needed to stay away from each other during matches, but somehow, we ended up in her office, after the show was over and we were all over each other. I wish I had some way to explain it, the way we felt drawn to each other._

"_So apparently you like me when I'm sweaty and rumpled," I said, breaking the silence as they stared up at the ceiling._

"_I guess I do," she laughed softly. "I told you."_

"_You told me?"_

"_I told you it would happen again," she told and she's always been right. "I told you that it was inevitable that it happen again."_

"_How are you so smart?" I wondered, but it was playful and she moved to brush some of my hair out of my face and she did the same before she kissed my jaw. _

"_I was born that way," Stephanie told me. She looked at her watch, which she'd left on and gasped. "Chris, we've got to get out of here, they're going to close us in pretty soon. Can you take a quick shower?"_

"_Yeah," I told her, then went a little bold. But I needed answers so I didn't feel the need to hold back. After all, I'd just had sex with the woman. "Do you want to go grab a cup of coffee after this? If you're not busy?"_

"_Sure," she told me and she smiled a little uncomfortably and it was only then I realized we were both standing there naked and…it was a little weird afterwards, just being naked with her after what we'd done, but she gathered her clothes and I got my shower and we were off into the night._

_Stephanie hates coffee. I found that out when we found this diner. She ordered a vanilla milkshake. When she was pregnant with Murphy, all she wanted for weeks was vanilla milkshakes with caramel swirls, sometimes sprinkles. Whenever we got to spend the weekend together, she'd send me out all the time for them or if it was too late, I'd have to make them for her. She took advantage of the fact that I was there and because I was there, actually with her, that I would do anything for her. We pretty much discussed what was going to happen now._

"_I love my wife," I told her, though I wasn't even convinced of that anymore. I mean, I did love her, do I now? I don't think so. Jessica and I are on two different planes of being. We might as well be living two very different lives. I love her for the kids, but that's about it. I don't know what I wanted her to think when I told her that, but she just nodded and took a sip of her milkshake._

"_I have Paul." There was something to that tone, the way she said that she had Paul and not anything about how she was in love with him. "I'm supposed to be going back to New Hampshire to spend time with Paul."_

"_I heard," I told her. "Do you want to be there?" I wondered if maybe I was just an escape for her, like she could forget about Paul when she was with me. "You know, you guys aren't married, you don't have to stay with him."_

_She scoffed, "The thing is, he was very seriously injured, you know, he's still struggling with rehab. He was supposed to come back next month, but he's not ready and he's so frustrated and I just feel like…if I were to leave him right now it wouldn't be good for him. Can you believe I was planning to break up with him when he got injured? I couldn't leave him at that point. He was so scared about the surgery, you'd be surprised what a big baby he is."_

"_So when he's better, then you'll just…"_

"_I don't know."_

"_I tried to stay away from you, I really did," I let her know. _

"_I know, I saw," Stephanie looked down. "Hard for you though, wasn't it?"_

"_What do you know that I don't, Steph?"_

"_Attraction, how long it's been there between the two of us." She looked so cute sitting there, her hair pulled back and out of her face and not wearing that stupid hat of hers. She was just in jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt. _

"_So I haven't known we were attracted to each other?" I asked her, raising an eyebrow._

"_No, you haven't," she told me. "It's okay, it took me a little while too. I guess I tried to block it out because I knew you were married, but like I told you, I think it's been inevitable. I'm not asking you to drop your life for me, Chris. I don't know nearly enough about you for you to do that. I'm not some crazy woman who is going to try to infiltrate your life. I like you though, I'll admit it and I'm attracted to you."_

"_So it's just sex?"_

"_I wouldn't say that, I like to think we're having a nice conversation right now," she responded and I think _I_ might have fallen in love with her in that moment. "Your match was good tonight, I'm glad we set you up as a heel though. I've been talking to my dad about you."_

"_I hope you didn't mention what we did after No Mercy."_

"_No, believe me, no, he has a hard enough time accepting that I'm dating Paul-"_

"_Speaking of that…"_

"_I fell into it, when you work with someone so closely like that, it's just easy."_

"_You work with me."_

"_I have a feeling, Chris Irvine, that you are anything but easy."_

"_I'm very complex."_

"_Paul isn't. Paul is wrestling, wrestling is Paul. It's all he is, which is why he's so frustrated right now. He wants to be back and he wants it now because he's bored out of his mind. He makes it easy."_

"_So being with him is easy?"_

_She shrugged and there was so much to her right then. "It's easier than being with a married man."_

"_So we probably shouldn't…do this again?" I was upset about it and I couldn't figure out why I was upset about it. It wasn't like Jessica was ever bad to me. _

"_Probably."_

"_But we're going to?" I was starting to glean onto what she'd been saying about the two of us. That there was something bigger than just us surrounding each other, I was starting to see her point of view and it wasn't scary, it just kind of was there._

"_Probably."_


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: For some reason, this story seems to get lost in my brain so I'm pretty much just winging it as I go and I have no idea where it's going exactly, but thank you for the reviews for it, they actually do help me see what's good and what's not so good, so thank you. I hope you enjoy this chapter and if you want to review, I'm not going to stop you. Hope you enjoy. :)

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"So just because she said you two would probably have sex again, you just bought into that, just like that?"

"Shh," Chris said, "lower your voice, dude, I don't need everyone on the bus knowing my business. It wasn't like that. It wasn't like I was buying into anything. There was nothing to buy into. I just…it's hard once you're attracted to someone to just stop being attracted to them."

"She wasn't around though," Edge said. "I remember, she left to go be with Paul. Did you guys just stop what you were doing? You didn't go to see her, did you?"

"No, I didn't go see her," Chris said.

"_Hey," Stephanie's voice was low and it sounded like she was trying to whisper._

"_Hey, am I calling at a bad time?" I asked._

"_No, it's okay," she said, "hold on."_

_Chris could hear a shuffling and he bit his lip. I just had to hear her voice. It'd been three weeks since I'd last seen her, that night when I took her for coffee and she got a milkshake. I felt disconnected from her and it didn't feel right. I guess maybe I'd just become so accustomed to having her around, working with her. Two years we'd worked together, two years and she'd made me who I was. Somehow I didn't feel like Chris Jericho without her there. I don't want to say she was like my crutch, that whenever things weren't going the way I wanted, I could always just fall back into insulting her, but there was just something missing about me when I wasn't around _her_._

"_Hey again," she said. _

"_I did call at a bad time, didn't I? Paul's there, isn't he?"_

_She laughed, more free than she had been a few minutes earlier. "No, Paul's not here, I'm actually at my brother's house right now. He and Marissa just moved to a new house and we're at a housewarming party. I just stepped out of the room."_

"_Oh, sorry, I'll let you get back to the party," I said regretfully. I really had wanted to talk to her, but I didn't want to interrupt her life. _

"_Chris, believe me, you're doing me a favor," Stephanie said. "Paul is in Alabama doing his monthly check-up and hoping to get clearance. I'm here alone and I'm bored out of my skull. So you calling me is like a godsend."_

"_Yeah?" I asked her, feeling a smile turn up on the sides of my lips._

"_Yeah," she said. "I just said that this was an important phone call that I needed to take. They understood. They're all business types anyways. Well, Shane's friends, Marissa's friends are cool."_

"_I thought I was Shane's friend, I'm a little insulted that I wasn't invited," I joked, glad that she was able to talk to me. I really didn't want to hang up without talking to her. I don't know how I even lasted three weeks without talking to her. _

"_He would have if you weren't on the road."_

"_I'm off today, had the house show and everything. So you're in Connecticut?" I asked. I don't know what I was doing, but I just had to ask. I should've just not called her. It probably would have been easier that way. It probably just would have been easier if I could forget about her. She wasn't around, I had no business calling her like I was, yet here I was, in my hotel room, calling her when I should have been calling my wife._

"_Well, I will be," Stephanie said. "Shane and Rissa moved to New York, they got this penthouse, but I'm going home afterwards to Connecticut, yes."_

"_That's cool, that's cool," I said, not knowing what else to say. I felt like an idiot._

"_So congratulations on the title," she told me, "I knew you could do it. And I'm sorry I didn't call to congratulate you before."_

"_You don't have to congratulate me at all," I told her, "I have a feeling that it was someone's idea for me to get the title anyways."_

"_Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting," she flirted with me. I couldn't help but smile at her tone and what I knew was going on. I'm not going to say she ever gave me preferential treatment, but I knew that she had a hand in it._

"Dude, I never even really thought of the perks, is that why you've won the belts and stuff? Because she told them to?" Edge asked.

"Well, I wouldn't say it was only that, I mean, I'm pretty good at this wrestling thing and I never _asked_ her to give me anything."

"Paul does, I bet," Edge groused. "Man, when she throws him out in the cold, he's going to throw a hissy fit."

"We're going to try to ease the transition," Chris said, "at least that's what we've talked about. Things haven't ever really been good between the two of them. The timing, I mean, I'm surprised nobody ever really knew about the timing, never questioned it."

"The timing?" Edge wondered. "The timing of what?"

"Of everything in my life and Stephanie's lives."

"I don't understand what you mean."

Chris thought back to the last several years. For a long time, it had been like he and Stephanie were living their lives as a series of starts and stops. Whenever he started something, he'd move forward, leaving her behind and Stephanie, desperate to catch up, always did something to move herself forward. For a long time, they'd tried to deny the attraction as anything more than an affair, something on the side, someone to come to when you were lonely or mad or just wanted something more than you currently had. They knew it was love, they knew it deep down, but admitting love had taken time and courage.

"I mean we were always trying to stave off the hurt."

"Hurt?"

"Paul was a mistake on her part, a huge one, one that she'll be remedying soon enough," he said and he could not wait for that moment. The second this election was over, the moment those ballots were counted, win or lose, he was going to be by Stephanie and his girls. There was no turning back, the talks had been hashed out, the decisions made and whether Paul or Jessica approved was inconsequential. He was tired of living in the shadows of a life rightfully his and tired of being with someone trying to cling to something long past. Everyone deserved better than they were getting at the moment.

"Okay, so what happened when you were talking to her?" Edge asked, wanting to hear the rest of the story as Chris was telling it.

"_I think I'm suggesting that you had a hand in it."_

"_I merely suggested that they give you the chance," Stephanie said. "Chris, you've been one of our top performers and you have consistently carried this company on your back while others have been gone, Paul, Dwayne, Austin, whoever, everyone, you've been there. You need to be rewarded for that kind of loyalty."_

"_I love when you talk business," I told her. There's something so sexy when she's talking business, like she really can rule the world._

"_Is that all you love?" she asked. "Because I don't think you would have asked where I was if this were merely a social call."_

"_I miss you," I told her, just letting it out, but then retreating back a moment, "Is that weird?"_

"_No, I don't think it's weird, I admit I've missed you too," she told me, her voice going soft again. _

"_What's going on with us, Stephanie?" I asked, trying to make sense of what was going on. Not even three months before, I was a loyal and faithful husband, in love with my wife and planning a future with her. Then Stephanie swoops into my life and all of a sudden, it's in this total upheaval. Everything about Stephanie captivated me and made me want to know more. I wanted to know what her eyes looked like when she was upset, I wanted to see how her smile looked when she saw something pretty. I wanted it more than I'd ever wanted any moment with Jessica, but I tamped that down, thinking that it was simply because Stephanie was like a shiny new prize that I wanted to figure out all the gadgets to._

"_Chris, if I could explain that, believe me, I would try," she said. "I've been trying to figure out why I've been attracted to you. I mean, with Paul…I guess it was convenience, like I told you, but wouldn't that apply to us as well. I mean, we worked closely together, we'd kissed before, twice."_

"_Yeah, I know," I said, kind of glad she at least thought the same way I did. "Can I come see you?"_

"_Chris, you guys are in like Pennsylvania," she laughed, probably thinking I was ridiculous for doing what I was planning to do._

"_We're in Philly," I told her, "You live in Greenwich, right?"_

"_Stamford," she corrected._

"_Okay, Stamford, that's not far, I know how to get there and if I don't, I can figure it out, it's only like a few hours, so you can stay at your party and I can go to your…house?"_

"_Condo," she corrected me again._

"_Condo, even better, you don't need a huge space," I joked. "Are you going back there tonight?"_

"_Well, yes, I was planning to go back there."_

"_Not going to New Hampshire?"_

"_Paul's house is creepy," she told me._

"_Sounds about right. If you can give me the address to your place…"_

"_Chris, are you sure?" she wondered. "I mean, don't you want to head home?"_

"_I need to see you," I told her, the pull towards her being almost gravitational. I could have been 17 hours away and I think I might have tried to make it there in 5 hours or less. I can't explain how much I needed to see her, but three weeks was too much._

_She gave me her address, giggling at my impetuousness, but I didn't care, I was now a man on a mission. I threw my clothes in my suitcase, checked out, and I was on my way to Connecticut. I just told Jessica some lie about how I needed to go to Stamford for a meeting with the boss. She's never really cared about my wrestling so she didn't even question it. The world is foreign to her and she's always been content to keep it that way. I think that's one of the reasons I fell out of love with her. I wanted her to share in my passion, but she never did, but boy, she did like what it could do for her. The lavish parties, the flaunting of wealth; all of that was right up her alley. _

_I got there before her and sat in my car for a while, thinking about what I was doing. The first couple times, I could chalk it up to circumstance. We were both high on adrenaline, we needed release, the other person was there, there were excuses for what we'd done and maybe if I'd stopped it at that, it could been done with and just remained two isolated incidents of passion overflowing. But driving three hours to her house, waiting for her, I had to accept that maybe this wasn't just a fling, that those incidents were not merely incidents, but moments in a timeline that was to be dotted with different events._

_When she pulled into her space, she looked over from her car into mine and smiled at me. We got out at the same time and she came over and hugged me. Nothing more, nosy neighbors and all that. I hugged her back and then she took me inside. I couldn't stand it more than a few moments before I had her pressed up against the door. There was no time to think and I certainly didn't want to spend the time talking. I lifted her up and took her upstairs. If you'd asked me what her condo looked like that first night, I wouldn't have even been able to tell you the wall color. All I saw was her. All I ever wanted to see was her._

_I was falling and falling hard, maybe even fallen already. But I didn't want to believe that I'd made a huge mistake with Jessica, that I should have waited. I thought when I married Jessica that it was the right decision. You don't go into a marriage thinking that you'll fail. I didn't think I was going to fail with her. Yet, there I was, with another woman who was rapidly becoming, for me, the one I should have been with. It was a startling truth and one I tried to ignore for some time afterwards._

"_You couldn't even stay away," she said against my neck, her voice tickling my skin, bringing me out of my thoughts and into her body._

"_I couldn't."_

_I haven't been able to since._


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter, I really appreciate the feedback for this one since I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with it. Here's another aimless chapter, hope you enjoy and reviews are quite welcome and helpful. :)

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"Wait, hold up, I thought she wasn't with Paul when she slept with you the first time. I thought you said she wasn't with Paul."

"She wasn't," Chris explained, "but shortly after that, her father lifted the odd ban he had on her dating any wrestlers and I guess Paul just assumed they were back together and well, Stephanie just didn't say no, I guess. I think she felt bad because of the injury and he _was_ pretty pathetic back then."

"So did you guys continue to see each other while she was spending time with Paul?"

"No, we couldn't, I had Jessica in Florida and it would just be too suspicious if I didn't come home, plus, we just didn't…I didn't want it to continue, I guess. It was just too much, you know, wait, of course you know. How hard was it the two times you cheated on your wives?"

Edge chuckled. "Okay, yeah, it's really hard keeping a mistress _and_ a wife. They both end up being so needy. That's why I'm never getting married again if I can help it. I just can't keep my hands to myself. But _you_ know that feeling."

Chris laughed, "Except I plan to be with the woman I love and she's it for me. I know this, maybe someday you'll actually find someone that you feel like that with and then you won't cheat on them."

"Highly unlikely. So you two just decided that you weren't going to be together anymore, just like that? I mean, after all that talk about not being able to be away from each other? I mean, you drove how long to get to Connecticut to be with her?"

"Yeah, but it was just too much. I had to break it off."

_I didn't know why I was going to do what I was about to do, but I knew it was the right thing. I had made my vows to Jessica and I'd begun our marriage with every intention to keep those vows. I never planned to cheat. In all the women I'd seen and met on the road, not one of them even so much as made an impression on me. Everyday I'd see someone new, some chick would try to hit on me, and I'd rebuff them every single time because I honestly had no interest in them. I don't know why Stephanie was different. I didn't know why everything I felt with her felt like something I'd experienced with Jessica except so much…more. _

_But I had to break it off. I was being unfaithful. I was being an asshole. My wife was sitting at home, waiting for me, being loyal to me and I couldn't return the favor? I was a jackass and she deserved better. Stephanie smiled as she approached me in the cafeteria at Titan, a tray of food in her hands. She sat down across from me and smiled, picking up her napkin to put it on her lap._

"_What are you doing here today?" she asked genially. "I didn't think I'd see you here."_

"_Your father wanted to meet with me," I explained._

"_Why didn't you tell me you were going to be here?" she asked and at the time, I ignored the pang of hurt that flashed in her eyes, pretending that it wasn't what I thought it might be, ignoring that there were already feelings developing between us, feelings that we might have had for a very long time as it is._

"_Well, I didn't think it would be best to call you, you know, in case Paul was around."_

"_You could have called my cell phone or dropped by my office," she said, picking at a roll, tiny pieces that she would pop into her mouth and chew on slowly, her mouth puckering up in an oddly cute way. "I mean, I would have liked to have seen you."_

"_I'm sorry," I told her and I still tried to ignore the sadness in her voice. "I just…I didn't think it would be appropriate."_

"_It's not like we're doing each other on top of the table," she whispered, leaning in towards her. "Chris, we're still friends. It's okay to be seen together."_

"_I guess," I said and I knew I was being purposefully rude to her._

"_Is everything okay?" she asked, putting her fork down before she took another bite of her pasta. _

"_I'm fine," I said again, shorter this time, my voice taut._

"_You don't seem fine," she observed, searching my face. "There's something wrong. You're just not acting how you usually act, are you mad at me?"_

"_No."_

"_Okay," she said slowly. "Did you not want me to sit here? I just saw you sitting alone and I usually eat alone, but I thought we could both use some company. If you want me to sit somewhere else…"_

"_You can sit where you want to sit," I told her and she was looking more hurt by the second, but then she looked determined._

"_Oh, I see," she told me, nodding her head as she went back to her pasta, looking down at her plate and concentrating on the food in front of her. I just stared at her for a few minutes. Now _I _was wondering what was wrong with her. She occasionally would lean her chin on her hand and chew, looking around the cafeteria._

"_See what?" I finally asked her and she raised both her eyebrows in surprise, like it was such a shock that I was talking to her._

"_What you're doing, I see now," she told me. "It's okay, Chris, I understand."_

_"You…do?"_

"_You're feeling guilty about what's been going on between us and you want to be with your wife, it's okay, I understand," she told him with a careless shrug. "I knew what I was getting into when we start this."_

"_So you're not…mad?"_

"_I'm not mad," she responded and I guess maybe I wanted her to be mad, to yell at me and call me an asshole for dragging her into this even though we both made the mutual decision to have sex and be together. "Chris, I'm not your wife, I can't be mad."_

"_I'm sorry."_

"_There's nothing to be sorry about," she told me and she was taking this so well. She's always been like that, a roll-with-the-punches kind of girl. She never lets anything phase her. I think that's why we've been together for so long. She has taken everything in stride…well, no, that's not true. There was a time, she just…she didn't take things well._

"She didn't? I mean, she sounds pretty chill after that. She just…said okay?" Edge asked.

"Yeah, she jus said okay."

"But she like, keyed your car or something afterwards, right? Or put you through some horrible feud, right?"

"Well, no, she didn't have a lot of power with creative at the time. She was starting to, but not like she has now. I was in those feuds with Rock at the Rumble and then Austin at No Way Out so it wasn't like I was put in a midcard feud, I was the Undisputed Champion."

"Wait, after that, you were with Stephanie again, you had to work with her, did she plan that?"

"No, she didn't, her dad did," Chris explained. "Well, that's not true. I thought of a better storyline, an affair storyline, I know, I know, stupid of me to pretty much broadcast my affair, but that was when I was with Stephanie and I don't know, I guess I just wanted to have a little hold on her. Paul though, he hated the idea and so her dad came up with putting us as business partners. It made sense to bring Stephanie into the feud."

"Okay, so you guys had to work together again, but what happened that you said she didn't take things well, when was that?"

"A year later."

"Dude, I want to know about the business partnership first though, how the hell did you handle that, being so close to her again and not being with her? That had to kill you if you love her so much. I mean, you did love her at the time, that seems kind of obvious, even if you guys didn't know it or didn't acknowledge it."

"I guess I did," he said, knowing that he did.

"_Hey."_

"_Hey," Stephanie said, brushing her hair back and out of her face. "What brings you here?"_

"_Just wanted to make sure you were okay."_

"_Yeah, I'm fine."_

"_You sure, I know that…stuff almost happened out there," I said, walking closer to her. "I don't get how Paul thought it would be a good idea to put you in the Pedigree position in that outfit you're wearing. I mean, your top could have come off-"_

"_But it didn't," she said, turning towards me and smiling, her hands leaning back against the sink she'd been standing in front of. "You were there and you pulled me away like you were supposed to and you pulled up my top, thanks."_

"_I didn't want anyone…that would have been embarrassing for you and I didn't want that," I said. I cared about her, even if we weren't sleeping together, I cared about her and I didn't want to see her hurt or upset. If I could do anything to prove that to her, I was going to. "My wife thinks we're hilarious."_

_Stephanie laughed and looked down. "And how hilarious would she find it if she knew what we'd done?"_

"_Not so much," I laughed too, glad that we were able to joke about it now, that everything was truly in the past and we could really just be friends again. It's what we should have only been in the first place and maybe we could actually have a go at a real friendship. I was so stupid and wrong in thinking that though. I was stupid to think that I could stop these feelings from happening._

_I don't remember if it was a few days or a week later, but it was the SmackDown taping right before WrestleMania that Sunday. There was going to be a spot at the end of the show. Paul was going to put Stephanie into the Pedigree position on the announcer's table and I was going to pull her away and then put Paul into the Walls on the table and come out on top. Everything had been going to plan and then Stephanie's breasts fell out of her top. I remember the horror as I was watching and the embarrassment I felt for her. It was like something snapped inside of me._

_Paul should have been more careful, that was a given. That bastard knew what kind of top she was wearing; she'd been wearing low-cut tops the entire storyline because it fit in with her character. He should have been more careful. I kept thinking that as I pt him into the Walls. I was stiff with him that night. I remember bending back as far as I could, wanting to make it hurt. By the time it was over, Stephanie was backstage and out of sight, but I knew she was back at her locker room. She wasn't crying or anything like that, but when she looked up at me, her face started to turn a deep shade of red._

"_You and Paul are the only two guys in this entire arena who have seen my breasts…oh, wait, no, everyone in the arena has seen them now," she told me, laughing sardonically._

"Oh dude, I remember that," Edge said lecherously, his eyes gleaming.

Chris punched him in the shoulder, "Dude, this is the mother of my children we're talking about."

"Sorry," Edge shrugged, "I think boobs and I get a little giddy, excuse me."

"Whatever," Chris muttered.

"Go on with your story," Edge prompted him.

"_Nobody cares and it was for about two seconds."_

"_Yeah, I know, I'll get over it when someone does something embarrassing that makes me laugh, it's just…way to reinforce the slut comments, Stephanie McMahon!" _

"_What are you even talking about? You're not a slut."_

"_According to most of the free world I am…and I am," Stephanie said. "I'm a slut because I cheated with you."_

"_No, I cheated, you were only semi-with Paul."_

"_I helped you cheat, therefore I'm culpable. I guess I just thought that I could keep some of my dignity while being on television. I think I'm going to take a break after this storyline is over," she told me, looking up at me. "Chris, I'm not going to lie. It's been hard working with you like this. I'm still very much attracted to you and while I'm an adult and can control my physical urges towards you, the emotional ones are more difficult. I'm around you and with the way we've been interacting, how close we've been, the other night when you pulled my top up and all I could feel was our hands locked together. I mean, I'm working and all I could think about was how warm your hand was on my waist."_

_I smiled at her. I didn't want to say anything to her because I didn't think anything would be appropriate to say to her at that moment. I shouldn't have done it, but I just took her face in my hands and I kissed her. It wasn't the kind of passionate kiss that ignited our first time together, but this one had a lot more feeling behind it. When I pulled away, breathless, her face was flushed and her lips pink and wet. She opened her eyes slowly._

"_Chris," she whispered and she seemed unsure of what her next words would be so she didn't say anything. She really didn't need to anyways. I just kissed her instead._

"So you guys started back up again?"

"Not exactly."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Enjoy. :)

* * *

Chris looked down at his phone and was pleased to find a new message from Stephanie.

"Is that her?" Edge asked, his eyes darting around like he was involved in some form of espionage. Chris rolled his eyes and nodded at his friend. "Dude, she _so _wants you! What does it say?"

Chris pressed the button on his phone and looked at the message, whispering quietly to Edge, "How is Adam taking it?"

"Like a champ," Edge told Chris. "Tell her that."

"I'm not telling her that," Chris said, instead typing something else into his phone.

Edge looked over his shoulder, "You're asking her why she's not in bed, come on, give me something to work with here, dude. I want the juicy story, not, oh, the story of how she couldn't get to bed. You guys aren't even officially together and you're like an old married couple. Which, how did you become so comfortable with each other if you can't see each other all the time?"

"We see each other a lot," Chris said as his phone buzzed.

"So why's she up?"

"The baby is keeping her up," Chris said with a shrug.

"Do you know what it is?" Edge wondered. "I haven't even heard Paul say word one about this kid, you know. I mean, granted, he's not really around, but even so, I haven't even heard anything about the baby. He couldn't stop bragging about the first two, damn, when he finds out the truth, he's going to have to shove a whole bunch of crow in his mouth."

"It's not about that, man," Chris said, "I just want the transition to be easier for the girls. They already know, well, Aurora knows, I'm secret Daddy for now, but when it comes out, we're going to try to minimize the stress for the girls."

"I still don't know how this all came about though. I mean, you tried to stay away from her, but it didn't work and suddenly, you have three kids with her, how do you even get to that point?" Edge said, lowering his voice to near silence. "You said that you didn't start back up again, so how did you get back together?"

_It wasn't something that was easy. When you have an affair, I guess it's kind of like an addiction, like any other addiction. You tell yourself, I can quit whenever I want to and you believe it because you don't want to believe you're addicted. I would have stayed with Stephanie forever, I would have, I know that now and I guess I kind of knew it back then, but an addict never wants to admit he's addicted. I guess fate forced us apart. I don't know what her reasoning was, I've never asked her, but Stephanie decided that her on-screen character had run its course for now and that she wanted to take some time off and work back at Titan._

"Why didn't you ask her, ask her now," Edge prompted him, nudging him in the arm that was holding his phone.

"She needs her sleep, I'm not going to bug her to ask her about her motives on something that happened more than five years ago," Chris answered him, "the motives don't really matter, what matters is that she left."

_I kind of wanted her to go. I know that sounds selfish of me, but I thought that if she were to really go, I mean_ really_ go, then I might have a shot with Jessica. If the vice is gone, then I don't feel the need to be with her. The funny thing, I guess, is that I was right. When she was gone, I didn't think about her…no, wait, that's not true because I did, but it was like a dull ache is probably the best way to put it. It wasn't like I missed her, but it was just like…thinking about her was odd because I didn't miss her, but I still…thought of her._

_Things were going well with Jessica at the time. She was happy and I was happy and I didn't even have to force myself to be happy like I would in the future. We were really doing well and functioning like a married couple. The spectre of what I'd done with Stephanie didn't feel like it was hovering over me anymore. Before, every time I was with Jessica, it was like Stephanie's presence was hovering around. I might've figured out that it was because I wanted her, but I just figured that the looming of my affair was lingering over me._

_I didn't know she was coming back, none of us did, really, if I can remember. I remember how shocked we all were that Bischoff had shown up and I remember talking with Jay about how it wasn't possible for the SmackDown GM to be any crazier than Bischoff. When Stephanie showed up backstage and everyone knew she was the GM, I remember Jay and I talking about it, well, Jay was talking and I was reeling. He was acting as if it were no big deal and it wasn't, we all knew Stephanie and it shouldn't have been a shock._

_But for me it was like that first hit after a long period of abstaining. There she was and much to my chagrin, I was scheduled for a scene with her. I didn't know how I'd handle it. I watch it back now and I overacted to the point of caricature, but I was just trying to keep my composure. I wish I could have stayed away from her for the rest of the night, but I ended up running into her later that evening as we were both heading to our cars._

"_Hey Chris," she said to me, smiling over at me as she pulled her suitcase behind her. Her voice was so casual and I think it startled me with how casual it really was. She just wanted to shoot the breeze with me._

"_Hey," I told her, not really wanting to talk to her, but not wanting to be rude either. "You were great out there tonight."_

"_Me? Look at you," she laughed, "I just went out there and stood around for a while, you guys do all the actual work."_

_By some strange twist of fate, our cars ended up being next to each other. She couldn't get her trunk open. She kept pressing the button but it wasn't working and so I walked over to her and helped her get it open. Being so close to her, it was just this odd feeling of nostalgia and shame. I was ashamed of the way I'd behaved with her and yet, I was remembering all the times where I'd touched her and talked to her and _only_ wanted to talk to her._

"_Yeah, but I know how hard you've been working, especially with being promoted like you are," I told her, trying to make light conversation. _

"_I know it's strange being around me," she always did just come out and say things. I know people think I do that, but when I was around Stephanie, I always somehow became tongue-tied and she was always the one who did the talking, the knowing. I was just dragged along behind her. "It's okay to feel strange, I think. We shared something, I think we're both ready to admit that there was something there, maybe deeper than what we were letting on."_

"_I'm glad you came out and said that," I told her, glad I wasn't the only one. I hefted her bag into the trunk for her and she smiled gratefully as she closed the trunk and leaned against it. Her hair was down from earlier and she'd taken off her jacket and untucked her blouse and she was just the right touch of unkempt and unprofessional that reminded me that she was still that beautiful woman I'd slept with on a whim._

"_How are things with you?" she asked me and I didn't know how to react at first, if I should tell her I was miserable or something just because I didn't know her feelings. I felt like if I said things were going well with Jessica that I would somehow insult her, but I just went ahead and told her the truth anyways._

"_Actually, things are going really well for me, I'm doing great her and I'm with Jessica and we're happy," I told her and she nodded enthusiastically. I should've noticed that it was _too_ enthusiastic, but I didn't_.

"Dude, was she in love with you?" Edge asked.

"Yeah, she was," Chris said, "she was in love with me and hearing that, I think something…I think I just broke her a little you know, not much because she's Stephanie McMahon and nothing could break her, but I think I bent her a little, just a little bit."

"_That's great," Stephanie said, "um, hey, I know this is going to sound weird, but I'm happy that you're happy and I know that I said that things between us…I know that I said that it'd be impossible for us to be around each other and not want more, so I was thinking and I have been since my father asked me to come back to SmackDown and I knew you were here, but do you maybe want to go to Raw?"_

"She offered to send you to Raw? Is that why you went?"

"Yeah, it's why I went," Chris said with a sad nod, "I thought that it would be best for both of us if we were simply to remove each other from the other's lives, like it would all be so simple, but then, like I said, I thought that if she was out of sight, she'd be out of mind and so I readily agreed and she sent me over to Raw."

_I saw her occasionally, when there was a Pay-Per-View or when she wanted to see Paul. She was still with him and had told me that night that she was really trying with Paul. She was just replacing me I think, but I wasn't around so I don't know. I don't really know what happened to her those months, if she really was happy. We don't really talk about it too much, but I have the feeling that she was putting on a farce. I know I was, I even fooled myself. I thought I was happy, but being with Stephanie makes me happier than I've ever been before._

_I stayed away from her though, for a long time and then suddenly, Jessica and I found out she was pregnant. I was ecstatic because I'd always wanted kids and Jessica had a hard time conceiving so we didn't know if we'd ever have any kids. So when I found out she was pregnant, I was over the moon. I thought that my life could not get any better and I focused completely on my family and it was like Stephanie had never existed. I don't think anyone noticed, but we barely even spoke for those months and months. Sometimes I'd pass by her in the hall and I'd nod, but I was over her. I was having a kid and nothing else mattered._

_A month later, I found out that Paul had proposed and Stephanie had accepted. I don't know why, but I was disgusted with her. I was disgusted that she could lower herself so much, degrade herself enough to marry that man. She could do better, I knew it and I thought she should know it too, so one Pay-Per-View, while Paul had his match, I went to his locker room and I walked inside where Stephanie was sitting on the couch, a stack of papers perched precariously on her knee. I looked down at her left hand and sure enough, there was that gaudy ring. I hate that stupid ring and so does Stephanie. She knows that Paul only bought it because it was showy and possessive of him._

"_How could you do it?" I asked her and it wasn't the brightest way to start a conversation._

"_Excuse me?" she asked._

"_Marry him, how could you possibly ever entertain the idea of marrying _Paul_?" I asked her._

"_I thought that people were supposed to give congratulations, not criticisms of someone's fiancé," she said. "I love him and we're getting married, is that a good enough reason for you Chris?"_

"_You don't love him."_

"_What are you even going on about?" she wondered and I really didn't know what I was going on about. I just felt like I had to get this out there._

"_When…before, how you didn't even like him and now suddenly you're marrying him!"_

"_Chris, that was over a year ago," she told me, "a lot of things change in a year, I think you're a testament to that."_

"_What do you mean by that?" I asked her, narrowing my eyes and trying to figure out where she was going with this._

"_You're happy and I heard about Jessica and the baby, so congratulations," she told me, something I probably should have told her. "I'm sure you're excited for it."_

"_That's not what this is about."_

"_Then what is it about?" She sounded exasperated, like she wanted this conversation over as quickly as possible and I couldn't blame her, I was practically knocking her life choices and who was I to even interfere with them, just some guy she'd slept with a long time ago._

"_Just the fact you're marrying that asshole!"_

"_I love him," she insisted. _

"_Fine, go, be unhappy."_

_She didn't stop me. I wish she had. I might have spoken more eloquently, told her really that it bothered me that she could be with that man and love that man when I did feel something deeper. I knew I felt that because as I was leaving, there was a lurching in my stomach, like I'd just done something very stupid. It's not like I could leave her though, I had a pregnant wife at home and maybe Stephanie had loved Paul. I didn't want to believe it, it wasn't true, I know now, but then. What right did I have to claim her? I really didn't and so I just…walked away._

"So that's why she married Paul," Edge said, "because you didn't stop her."

"I couldn't, I had Jessica and Ash," Chris shook his head. "I had no idea that she only said yes to Paul because she thought she couldn't do any better because she thought she didn't stand a chance. What chance did I give her, staying married, having a kid? She felt stagnant and the only way to get over that was to say yes when Paul asked her. I regret I didn't say anything to this day."

"But do you think it really would have made the difference?"

"I don't know, but I would have liked to have found out."


	7. Chapter 7

"So if she loved you that much, why did she marry Paul at all?"

"She thought she was doing the best she could. I guess it's like, I mean, you have this guy and he supposedly loves you and everything and then you have this other guy who you love, but he's with his wife and she's having a baby and I think Stephanie was just scared because well, putting it out there like that, with everyone…"

"What were you feeling at this time?"

Chris bit his lip and thought back, thought years back. He'd tried so hard to make Jessica into something he wanted. It hadn't been easy; it never was with Jessica, but this was all on him. He'd look at her and he'd tried to find features that reminded him of Stephanie. It had been an exercise in futility, but still, he had tried. He'd been fooling himself though. He'd fooled himself for so long.

"I'm not sure."

"Did you have any contact with Stephanie before the wedding?"

_Jessica was pregnant with Ash and if I'm anything, it's a man who tries to be a good father. I don't see any of my children any differently. Just because Ash, Cheyenne, and Sierra are kids I've had with Jessica, I don't love them any less or see them as lesser children. I love all my kids beyond measure. When Jessica was pregnant with Ash, I was ecstatic. I wanted him like I'd never wanted anything else in my life. I made sure to go to every appointment, every ultrasound, I wanted to pick out his furniture, all I wanted was him._

_She nagged at the back of my mind though. I was still wrestling so it wasn't like I could just escape her. I heard about all the plans. I was there when everyone got their invitations. I didn't get one nor did I expect one even if Stephanie and I weren't on the outs. I would think it'd be awkward to invite your ex-lover to your wedding. But still, everyone was buzzing about it. I remember trying to block it out as much as I could, but I guess…I guess I never really could._

_It bothered me. I convinced myself it bothered me because she could do better than Paul. That was a part of it, of course, but it wasn't the only part. I deluded myself into thinking that the only thing that I needed to concern myself with was Ash and Jessica's pregnancy. I didn't want to think about Stephanie, I didn't care about her wedding. She could marry whomever she wanted. I kept telling myself that and telling myself that. But then I'd go and do little things that I knew would upset her._

"Like what?" Edge asked. "You guys sound like all you were doing was dancing around each other, afraid to confess your feelings. Wouldn't it have just been easier to let everything out then, save yourself all this trouble?"

"Like I said, I concerned myself so much with Ash that I convinced myself and truly believed that he and my marriage to Jessica were more important. Of course it would have been easier to just say that I loved her and be done with it," Chris said, aware that his voice was raising a little bit and he toned it down. "But we both acted irrationally. We're just that way. We don't think these things through, we never have."

_One of the things I used to do was I'd talk about Ash to whoever would listen and I found myself talking to Shane a lot. He'd just had Declan and everything and so I told myself that it was just comparison, I wanted to get the opinion of someone who was a new father, see what it was like. I wanted him to tell Stephanie. I wanted him to tell Stephanie all about Ash and how excited I was and how excited Jessica was. It was like if she could rub her wedding in my face then I could rub my son in hers._

"That's low, man," Edge told him, shaking his head.

"I know, it was. I hate myself for doing it to her now," Chris said. "I think all I did was push her further into Paul's arms. I think she thought that it really was hopeless. Then she went and married the guy. That wasn't the worst thing I did to her though. It wasn't even close."

"You mean you did something even worse than intentionally trying to get people to talk to her about your kid?" Edge wondered. He already thought that was kind of heinous of Chris.

"It wasn't my proudest moment to be sure," Chris said and his voice got so quiet that Edge knew he was sincere. "In fact, it was probably the worst thing I've ever done to anyone."

"Dude, what did you do?"

"I scheduled Ash's birth for her birthday."

"What?" Edge thought he understood, but then he didn't want to think Chris would be so horrible as to do something like that to Stephanie.

"I wanted to be there when Ash was born. I wanted to be there and witness it, but with the schedule we have, I didn't want to chance that I wouldn't be there when he was born. His due date was October 2nd. The doctor said that we could schedule a c-section so I could be there and they gave an ideal time frame for him to be born and still be healthy enough. Her birthday fell within the time frame, September 24th. I don't know what I was thinking when I chose it. I think I was out of my mind a little," Chris sighed. "I think I just wanted her to hurt because it didn't seem like she was."

"So you made sure that she would hurt," Edge said, "and this woman still loves you?"

"I know I don't deserve it. I just felt like her wedding was a slap in my face. I wanted to slap right back."

"But…but in that way…"

"I know, man, I know," Chris said, leaning back against the chair and closing his eyes.

_I never wanted her to find out that I did it on purpose so I never said that it was because I'd scheduled it, but I think she knew. I remember there was this one night…I wondered if she was really serious about this wedding or if she was just doing it to get back at me or something, like we were playing some game. I found her walking around the hallways. I was exhausted from wrestling and the little sleep I was getting at home with Ash. He was big on crying in the beginning. The doctor said it was a little bit of colic, but it felt like torture. It was almost like he was mocking me, punishing me for using him as a pawn._

"_What are you doing?" I asked her._

"_I'm walking, what does it look like?" her voice was on edge and I only figured it was because of everything I'd done and how she felt towards me. _

"_Why are you walking?"_

"_Because the gym isn't open this late so I can't burn off this," she gestured around and didn't finish her sentence, but I knew what she meant. There was some sort of tension. I could see how taut her skin seemed to be. It was like whatever was bothering her was trying to push through her skin and run away._

"_Okay," I said dumbly. I thought about walking away, but she looked like she needed someone to talk to. "Uh, there are a couple benches near the elevators. It's not the lobby so I don't think anyone will really bother us if you wanted to…talk."_

"_I don't want to talk to you," she told me. "Besides, it doesn't concern you, nothing I do concerns you anymore."_

"_I just thought you might like someone to talk to," I responded with a shrug. "Before, I mean _before,_ before, we were friends, right?"_

"_You're going to pull the _friend_ card with me?" she asked incredulously. "You think that because we were once friends that I want to talk to you about anything that involves me. I thought you made yourself pretty clear how you felt about me."_

"_Okay, sorry," I felt like I was saying the same thing over and over again, but I didn't know what else to say._

"_Congratulations about your son," she surprised me, sounding genuine and I looked at her. She looked genuine too and she gave me a smile that said she was happy for me. "I bet he's beautiful."_

"_He is," I confirmed. _

"_Well, with you as a father, how could he be anything but, right?" she laughed like it was all okay and now that I know her, I know that she was trying so hard to remain brave. She wanted to be brave. "Plus, he's got an awesome birthday."_

_I stared at her, I don't know how long, but I just stared at her and wondered if she knew. Jessica didn't know about us, she wouldn't have said it was a c-section to Stephanie. Nobody else really knew that it was a planned c-section so it wasn't like she could possibly know. I wonder what she would've done if she had known. I hope it wasn't leave me forever because I don't think I could handle that. I eventually told her about it when we had Aurora. We were together so she wasn't as angry, but then, in that moment, I think she would have turned around and left forever._

"_Yeah, he does."_

_She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, letting the back of her head hit the wall. "I just have cold feet is all."_

"_Shouldn't that happen the night before the wedding?"_

"_No," she laughed hollowly. "I think it's just wedding jitters. I'm pretty much planning it by myself and there's so much to think about. My parents have a guest list, I have one, Paul has one, his parents have one and do you know how many people are coming to this wedding?"_

"_How many?"_

"_Over 350," she scoffed at herself and then turned her head to look at me. "Can you believe that? My parents are treating it like a business banquet or something. They have this extensive list of associates they want me to invite, Paul wants to invite everyone under the sun…"_

_She didn't say it, but I knew she knew that Paul just wanted to show off. "It's your wedding though, you don't _have_ to invite who your parents want."_

"_I want everyone to be happy," she told me and it sounded to me she was making everyone happy but herself, but I said nothing._

"What do you want your wedding to her to be like?"

"Small, we want it small, just a few select people and the kids, definitely the kids," Chris responded. "We've actually been looking at houses in Connecticut, there's this beautiful one with this amazing garden, the owners selling, the wife is an accomplished florist and she has this garden and we're thinking about buying the house and having the wedding there."

"I better be invited," Edge warned him.

"I think you would crash it if you weren't."

"Did you say anything to Stephanie about the wedding, what you were feeling?"

"_Are you happy with how it's turning out?"_

"_I will be once it's over," she shrugged. "I think everyone says that about their wedding. They'll just be happy when it's over. Then Paul and I can start our lives together and everything will be fine and settled. I mean, you're married, weren't you happy when it was all over?"_

"_Uh, yeah, yeah, when it was all over," I stuttered. She was so nonchalant, too nonchalant._

"_I just have the jitters," she repeated, "that's all, just the jitters."_

"_That feeling will probably go away," I assured her. "Steph?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_If you aren't happy…make yourself happy, okay?" I told her. _

_She looked at me and even though there was a fair distance between us, I could see the tears in her eyes. It was like she needed to hear that. She turned away from me and before I could do or say anything, I was by her side and hugging her. She didn't sob into my shirt, she didn't even let those tears fall. She just turned and hugged me back. I could still feel it between us, but we were so far apart. I had Ash and she was getting married and when we pulled apart, there was a lot more than a few feet between us._

"I don't get it though. If both of you were so hell bent on being away from each other, if she got married and you had your kid, how the hell did you two even get back together? You had to have gotten back together before Aurora was conceived, but then you had the twins with your wife like right around that time too, so what the hell happened?"

"Do not tell her what I'm about to tell you, okay?"

"Okay, what, does she not know?"

"No, she doesn't."

"What is it?"

"I went to her wedding."


	8. Chapter 8

"You went to her wedding?"

"Yeah, I know, I just…I guess I had to see it for myself, you know. It's like when you need closure and you try to do everything in your power to find that closure," Chris sighed, "I thought that by going to her wedding, I would find that closure and she would look happy and I would see that she looked happy and I could go home with a guilt-free conscience because we would both be at different places in our lives."

"Guilt-free, after everything you did to her?" Adam scoffed. "I don't know how you're even guilt-free right now."

"I'm not, believe me," Chris said, "there's still a lot to be guilty about, but when the time comes, I hope to get at a place where I don't have to feel like I'm some sort of being trapped in purgatory, which is how I feel some of the time."

"Well, you guys did a lot of shit to one another, plus, I mean, you've got all these secrets that have to come out, so yeah, but you shouldn't feel guilty about the Paul thing because he's a jackass anyways and it'll serve him right to get a little bit of comeuppance over all of this."

"Yeah, yeah, the hero thing."

"You _are_ going to be a hero for being the one to unseat that jackass. He's probably sitting on his high horse right now, not realizing that he is about to lose his power…"

"And his children, but he really could care less about them."

"Another reason to hate the guy," Adam pointed out, "so I didn't see you at the wedding, where were you? She obviously doesn't know that you were there, so how did she not know? The way you describe the two of you, it's like you have that crazy power to know when the other is in the room with you."

"It's nothing like that. I don't even believe in that bullshit," Chris said, "I mean, oh yes, in a stadium full of 44,000 people, I'm going to know exactly where Stephanie is because I _love_ her. It's nothing like that. That's just stupid."

_When I walked in, they were asking people to show their invitations, security was pretty tight, but everyone knew me there, knew I was Chris Jericho so they let me in without ever seeing if I had an invitation. I just kind of slipped in. You remember there was like 500 people there, the guest list continuing to balloon and all I could think about was how Stephanie felt about that. The church was huge and there were so many people milling about that I was able to just kind of fade into the background._

_I don't know why I had to be there. I mean, I knew why I thought I wanted to be there, to see her get married, so see her get it over with, but I also think I just wanted to make sure that she'd be okay. I could read Stephanie and I just wanted to see for myself that she was making the right decision for her. I didn't want to interfere, I didn't want to cause a scene, I just wanted to see it for myself. I had a son and a wife at home and I was so convinced that I loved them and wanted to be with them._

_The music started to play so I found a seat right in the middle of everyone so I wouldn't be noticed by her or by anyone. Paul and his best man, Shawn of course, came out of wherever they'd been staying and stood at the front. I admit, I gave him the dirtiest look I could muster. I will never be convinced that he was any good for Stephanie. He was a leech, still is a leech and he only wants what he can get off of her, but I don't believe for one second that he ever really loved her._

"Do you maybe think that's because _you_ love her?" Adam asked. "I mean, okay, bad example, but when I was with Amy and she was still with Matt, I kind of convinced myself that he was a horrible jerk and that's why she was with me, to try and justify why I was sleeping with his girlfriend."

"Matt is kind of a jerk though."

"I said it was a bad example," Adam told him. "Still, I think that our views tend to change as our roles tend to change."

"What are you, Dr. Freud?" Chris asked. "I don't think he has, I mean, you know the guy, do you think he has?"

"But I'm not in love with Stephanie."

"Shut up," Chris said, "I don't think he ever did and that's all I'm saying. I don't think…well, actually, I don't know how any man could be with Stephanie and not fall in love with her because she's absolutely the most amazing-"

"Blah, blah, blah, I get it, can you get on with the story before we actually get to where we're going?" Edge said in a dragged out voice of exasperation.

"Geez, sorry."

_Stephanie looked beautiful. From the moment she stepped onto that aisle, she looked stunning. I will tell you now, I didn't like her dress or her makeup or the veil, but damned if I could care at that moment. In that moment though, when she first stepped out, I wanted to stand up, grab her arm and whisk her out of there. I came into the day saying that I wasn't going to cause a scene, that I wouldn't do that to her, that I didn't want to confuse her, but that moment, man, I wanted to lift her over my shoulder and run. But where could I go? Home to my wife with this other woman?_

_I literally had to grit my teeth so as not to say something. She didn't even glance in my direction though. She kept her eyes straight ahead of her and…she didn't look happy. She was putting on a pretty good show of it, but I could tell that she wasn't as happy as I know she can be. When we get married, she said that she wants it to be everything _we_ want and that she doesn't want the input of everyone else. She jokes now that it'll be better because of the scandal, nobody that her parents want to come will come because she'll have shamed them. _

_I sat there through the entire wedding. I watched her take her vows with that man and I did nothing as they exchanged rings and then kissed because they were now man and wife. I did nothing because there was nothing that I could do. I don't want to say that my heart was ripped out or something hyperbolic like that, but I just felt sad. I felt sad that my life had taken this strange turn._

_I constantly think about the timeline of my life. I met Jessica not too long before I met Stephanie. It wasn't as if Jessica and I had been together for years when I met Stephanie. We were already engaged though and it…I just sometimes wonder if I had not proposed to Jessica. I'm not the kind of guy who goes back on his word and I figured that a proposal is about as good as your word is going to get. If I just hadn't proposed, I think Stephanie would be mine right now, like in the right sense of the word. Then I think, God, I wouldn't have Ash or the twins and I recant my previous thoughts, but they're always kind of knocking around in there._

_She never knew I was there. When everyone was filing out, I went to my rental and drove away, heading to the hotel I was staying at. I packed up my things, caught my flight and that was the end of it. I mean, that should have been the end of it. I should have seen her get married, realized that it was really over and that should have been the end of it and I was so sure that it would be. I was so sure that I would come into work after they took their honeymoon, they'd be together, I'd see her and nothing of those old feelings would ever rise to the surface again._

_The best laid plans never seem to work out though. It was even harder seeing her now, knowing that Paul was getting the advantages of her all the time and I'm not talking about the power in the business. I hated that he was taking for granted what I had never taken for granted. I missed her and I didn't want to admit that I missed her. We stayed away from each other for the most part. Sometimes we would talk about something business-related, but it never went further than that. Well, no, sometimes we'd make small talk._

"_How's Ash?" she'd ask me sometimes, giving me a curious look._

"_He's doing great, he gets bigger by the day," I would tell her, and he was, he was growing like a weed and I loved him more than life itself, still do. This was safe territory. She couldn't hate a kid, she could hate the mother, but she couldn't hate the kid._

"_That's great, you should bring him by some time, I'm sure he'd love it here."_

"_He's still pretty little." Then I always had to shove my foot in my mouth. "How's married life treating you?"_

"_It's good, great actually. I have little to no complaints," she would say, but she has a lot of complaints. I don't know if it was necessarily terrible then, but I think she learned pretty quick that she'd made the wrong decision, but I think she felt trapped. No, I know she felt trapped. She's told me she felt trapped._

"So she really just stayed because she didn't think she had anything better coming along, namely you?" Edge asked.

"Yeah. She was in love with me and I was in love with her, but we both just couldn't do anything about it. I'd just had a kid, she'd just got married, what other choice did we have, really? We felt like we were doing what was best for us and then that was just…that was what seemed best for us."

"Except it wasn't."

"Except it wasn't," Chris echoed.

"So when did you guys fall back into each other? What made it all start up again?"

"_Stephanie?"_

_Stephanie looked up and wiped quickly at her eyes. "Oh, hey, Chris."_

"_Steph, it's like 2 in the morning, what are you doing sitting on the floor?" I asked her after finding her just sitting near the elevators on my floor, near my door. She'd been married to Paul for about six months now and this was the first time I'd really seen her this upset. I was so sure they'd had a fight. "What's wrong, why are you crying?"_

"_Can I come into your room?"_

"_Of course," I told her, glad that I hadn't drank too much that night so I could be coherent for her. I opened my door and let her in before following her. The moment the door closed, her arms were around me, hugging me tightly as she buried her face in my neck. "Steph, what's wrong?"_

"_I didn't have anyone else to go to."_

"_Um, you have a husband," I said awkwardly._

"_I couldn't go to him," she told me. "I just…I couldn't go to him."_

"_Did you guys have a fight?"_

"_Of sorts," she said, pulling away. "My grandpa died. On my mom's side. He was just…he was just like my hero growing up besides my dad and we were really close and Paul doesn't even seem to care, he said that I should get over it because we're working and-"_

"_God, what a jackass," I muttered. "How could he be so cruel as to say that to you?"_

"_I don't know, I just think he hasn't lost anyone close to him and he doesn't understand-"_

"_What, human emotions?"_

"_The fact that I'm so upset. I don't think he gets why I'm _so_ upset."_

"_I get it, I get it," I told her, stroking her hair. "It'll be okay. Come on, let's sit down."_

_I helped her to the couch and we ended up spending the entire night just talking. She would tell me funny stories about her grandfather and I just listened as she talked and laughed and cried and it all felt so familiar. We ended up falling asleep on the couch and when we woke up, we just stared at each other for like five minutes. We didn't kiss, but we both knew in that moment._

_We were still in love with each other._


	9. Chapter 9

__A/N: Thanks for the reviews, glad you're still enjoying the story, hope you like the chapter! :)

* * *

_Now we had a problem on our hands. I mean, I still loved her, but it wasn't like I could be with her, you know. I _wanted_ to be with her, but I had Ash and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't pull that trigger. I kept looking at him, looking at my son and thinking about how I couldn't let this baby down. I didn't want to let him down. I remembered how much it hurt that my parents had gotten divorced and I'd been nearly in my 20's when that happened. Ash was barely six months and I was thinking about leaving his mother._

"Don't you think it would have been more fair to have had just gotten with Stephanie anyways? I mean, now you have all these obstacles in front of you and it's infinitely harder, don't you think?" Adam asked.

"It's easier to look back now and find your mistakes," Chris told him, "than to realize what they are when they're happening. When they're happening, you don't think about it. You just think, I have to do this, I have to do that, I have _obligations_, except when you look back at is, you're just like, well, couldn't you have just done this and changed that and everything would've been fine."

"Except you just don't realize it."

"Yeah, plus, if I'd done that, I wouldn't have had Cheyenne or Sierra and I wouldn't trade them for the world and who knows, I might not have any of my other girls," Chris said. "It may not be for the best that Stephanie and I have waited so long, but there's a time for everything."

"So did you two fall back into each other's arms then, after that night when she came to you? If you realized you two were still in love with each other…"

_Neither one of us said anything that night. I knew it, she knew it, we could see it in each other's eyes, but it was just that, things we could see, not things we could say. She was a newlywed and I was a new father and it seemed our lives were just as these huge impasses. Obstacles always seem bigger the closer you get to them. Maybe if we had taken a step back, it would have been easier to get around them. I always think about that. I mean, it _would_ have been easy enough, I get divorced, she gets divorced, we decide to be together, but when you're actually staring it in the face, it's harder. _

_So we didn't say anything, but our relationship definitely changed. It was just…easier, I guess. The tension of the past several months seemed to dissipate and I was able to talk to her without feeling like my heart was being put in a vice. I don't know why it was easier though, I guess maybe it was because I knew we were still on the same plane of thought. Knowing that she hadn't forgotten about us…it was kind of a relief. I know that sounds selfish, that it was easier to be without her if I knew it was hard for her to be without me, but I'm selfish, what can I say?_

"So when did you two actually star…you know…again?" Adam asked. "I mean, you have three daughters so at some point, you had to get back into bed with her."

"You just want to hear all the dirty details about the two of us, don't you?" Chris joked.

"Hey, I'm sorry, but if I can hear the dirty details you know I'm going to want them," Adam joked back. "It's just, this part of the story is pretty boring. So you two were apart and you stayed apart like good, little children. Where's the sex, the violence, the drama?"

"The violence?"

"I don't know, I'm just throwing it out there that the story should get better, maybe I should call Stephanie and ask her about what she thought about all this?" Adam said.

"Hey, if you want to, go for it," Chris shrugged. "She's probably still awake, the baby sometimes keeps her up at night. It's pretty active, that new one, it's going to give us trouble, I can tell already."

"You would actually let me talk to her?" Adam's eyes widened.

"It would get you off my back for a while," Chris told him. He looked up and around the bus, everyone around them was sleeping, in various positions of comfortability. He did a quick double check because the last thing he wanted was for people to hear about him and Stephanie before he and Stephanie were ready for them to hear it. It was going to come out eventually, but he didn't need it coming out here, on a bus in the middle of Mexico.

"I'm not on your back, I'm just curious about this epic love story, that's all, that's not being on your back at all," Adam told him with a nod. "You sure you don't mind."

"Hey, whatever floats your boat about our 'epic' romance," Chris said.

Adam pulled out his phone and dialed Stephanie's number (everyone in the company had Stephanie's number, some on speed dial because they liked to complain). "Adam, what's going on?" she answered.

"Hey, Steph," Adam said in a low voice. "Chris got tired of talking to me, he thinks I'm trying to get all the dirty details so I thought I'd call you and you could tell me part of the story."

"Why are you so intrigued?" Stephanie laughed.

"Well, for one, I'm bored as hell," Adam said. "I'm not tired, nobody is awake but Chris and I need something to keep me occupied before I go completely insane and request to ride, strapped down, on top of the bus."

Stephanie laughed, "Is there a for two?"

"For two, of course I want to know how it happened that Paul is going to get the rug pulled out from underneath him. This is like the best thing to ever happen to the company since Vince took it over."

"I don't know about that," Stephanie told him. "I mean, it's not that big a deal."

"You're kidding, right? You are joking with me right now, aren't you, because there is no way you can think this isn't a good thing. Your husband is the worst thing, he's a jerk, Stephanie, I'm surprised you don't see it."

"Of course I _see_ it, I'm going to divorce him, aren't I? I have three children with another man," Stephanie said.

"So come on, your side of the story for a while."

"Fine, if it'll get you to shut up and leave Chris alone for a bit, where is he at in the story?"

"It was after you were married and he had Ash, you went to him when your grandfather died."

"Oh okay, you want to know how we got back together then?"

"It would help," he said charmingly as Chris rolled his eyes next to him. Chris turned his head away from Adam and stared out into the darkness surrounding the bus, letting his mind wander to years past when he'd been dropped off in the middle of nowhere after a saucy encounter.

_Well, Paul was just a bad decision on my part. It was easier being with him than being with nobody though. I think it was because I constantly saw Chris and his wife and Ash. I'm not saying Chris brought them every week, but it was like every week he _did_ bring them, I was always there and had to endure it. Planning the wedding was a distraction, a needed distraction, but that's all it was. Paul was convenient, he's always been…convenient, but never the person I wanted. I wanted Chris, I knew he was the one for me, but it was wrong. What we were doing was wrong._

_Still, it felt right and you can't help what feels right sometimes, no matter how hard you try. It wasn't some big, monumental moment that brought us together again. It wasn't some beautiful starry night where we both looked up and some cheesy music hit us and we kissed it was nothing like that at all. It was never like that with us. What we had was cold, hard reality, that's all. We're dreamers, but not in that sense._

_It was near the end of 2004, I'd just celebrated one year with Paul, but things weren't going all that well. I mean, he was a good guy, I guess, but he wasn't my guy. You just have to have this spark and it wasn't there. He certainly liked the perks that came with being with me and I was just too tired of him to care what he did with that. I was head of creative by this point, doing the storylines and just…one night, Chris came in to discuss them with me and I smiled at him in this way he said just startled him with how warm it was. I still don't know what smile he was referring to, but he says he sees it every so often so I guess it exists._

_We didn't do anything that night, but then the next night, I was walking to my rental and Chris was walking to his, he was in front of me and I caught up to him. Paul wasn't with me, he had decided to go out for drinks that evening and I didn't stop him because I never did. I tried to care, but I just couldn't find the energy in me to care. I'm not saying I think Paul is necessarily bad, I've never thought that though I know the popular opinion is that he's the scum of the earth. I just…didn't feel for him._

_So I ran up to Chris and tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around so quickly that he hit me with his duffel bag and I fell down. He was so shocked he'd done that he just stood there while I sat on the ground laughing. I thought it was hilarious, but Chris felt horrible about it and he reached down to help me up and so I grabbed his hand and pulled him down with me. He wasn't expecting is so he landed hard on his knee and I remembered he hissed in pain. Now I was the one who felt bad and we sat there on the ground and I was trying not to laugh and he was trying not to laugh and then we just…stopped._

"_Are you okay?" I asked him, "I really thought you wouldn't fall like that."_

"_I'm okay," he told me, rubbing his knee a little._

"_I just thought some payback was in order." _

"_No, I'm okay, believe me," he said, "I mean, I'm a wrestler, falling on my knee isn't going to kill me."_

"_God, what if I'd made you tear something though, I think my father would kill me," I told him, making a face._

"_Well, I'm still in one piece."_

"_Let me make it up to you, have you eaten?"_

"_Yeah, I ate in catering."_

"_Then have you had dessert?" I wondered._

"_No, I haven't."_

"_Come on, there has to be some kind of Denny's or diner place, I'll treat you to something sweet," I told him and he agreed because what else did he have to do that evening? At this point, we were well aware that our feelings hadn't altered in our time apart, but it was easier not to say anything and pretend like we were just friends. Just friends is such a bullshit phrase though because if you have had something with someone as intimate as we did, just friends doesn't really cut it._

_I'm not even sure how it happened, but as soon as we were in the car, we were all over each other. I don't know if it was just being in that close proximity with each other, but suddenly, we were just making out in the car, where anyone could see. It was lucky that we were some of the last to arrive and that the car wasn't parked under some streetlights and that it was fairly dark. I'm not proud of how we've gone about this, but sometimes you just end up doing things that you can't control and I couldn't control myself around Chris any longer and I think he felt the same way with me. I knew we had to make a choice, but I didn't want to make that choice right then and neither did he. We just wanted to live in the moment so we did, we did everything without thought or consequence, but it was going to catch up to us._

_Pretty soon, we were going to get caught._


	10. Chapter 10

"Wait, so you got caught?"

"Not right then, no," Stephanie said, "But it was bound to happen without careless we were."

"So when did you get caught then?" Adam hissed into the phone, anticipating the answer. "And why didn't they say anything? Why did they keep quiet?"

_I think it's easier when you're in an affair to remember how the rest of your world would feel if they knew. It's a defense mechanism I'm sure, but you don't think about the domino effect that your choices will have. It's like they say about the butterfly wings, how a butterfly fluttering its wings causes and earthquake or something in another part of the world. Every little bit counts, every moment counts towards some bigger moment._

_Chris and I were getting reckless. With Ash, Chris had to be home more, wanted to be home more because he wanted to help raise his son and he didn't want Jessica to have to do everything. So there was no time for clandestine meetings or non-existent appointments where we'd sneak off to see each other, business trips to undisclosed locations with unnamed people where we would find some city that seemed off the grid._

_Instead, we chose work and that in and of itself was just a risk, but we would find places and then seconds later, right after usually, we'd realize how stupid we were, how we weren't careful where we picked. It was like we let our passions take over and let our heads fall by the wayside. It was a stupid way to live, but we didn't want to go without each other. _

"God, I'm surprised I didn't catch you if that's the case," Adam said with a chuckle, "if you guys were really being as reckless as you're telling me."

_I was surprised that nobody caught us for a while. We'd always arrive separately, but it would only be a few minutes after the second one arrived when we would meet casually and then sneak away. It was exciting, dangerous, and it reminded me of what I was really supposed to feel like when I was in a relationship, not what it felt like in my marriage. I didn't talk about my marriage to him and he barely mentioned Ash in my presence, but every once in a while, they would come into our periphery, their phantoms floating just above our eyesight._

"_I wish I had met you first," I whisper to him one time and I mean it when I say it and it almost surprises me even though he must know that I think it nearly every time I see Paul._

_The cruelest part of fate are the near-misses. Some might call them regrets, but in my mind, they're always just near-misses, something that you could have done to change everything, but that it was beyond your comprehension to do so. Chris only met Jessica months before I met him. Just months, which, in the grand scheme of time, is shorter than the blink of an eye. It's this imperceptible moment in all existence and we missed it, we both missed it and didn't even have the wherewithal to know what we were missing._

_I remember when I first met Chris, months before his debut, about three months after he met Jessica. It was innocuous enough, but it was that near miss that changed what we could have been. _

"_I wish it too," he told me and we both looked at each other sadly, in that way you look back at a foggy memory, curled around the edges and dull. "Then everything would be different."_

"_But then you wouldn't have Ash," I remind him, I remind both of us. "If there was no you and Jessica, there would be no Ash and I know you wouldn't trade him for the world."_

_I'm right, of course, and if there was no Ash and only me and Chris, there would be no Cheyenne and Si-Si and who even knows if there would be an Aurora, Murphy, or the little one I'm carrying right now. So, in the end, things worked in their strange, strange way, but we still wished for that moment where we missed each other by _that_ much and never recovered from it._

"You do know your story makes it sound way more depressing than his, right?" Adam cut in. "I mean, you're making me wanna cry over here, it's getting that depressing."

Stephanie laughed and rubbed her stomach as she tried to imagine Adam, of all people, crying. He was not one for tears, never had been in the entire time she'd known him. Anger seemed to be a more familiar emotion for him. "I'm sorry, I'm just trying to recall it is all, but don't mistake my words for me being sad or unhappy now, I'm not."

"Are you sure?"

"Well, I kind of wish Chris were here with me right now, but on the whole, I'm doing okay," Stephanie said. "It was rough there for a while, I'm not going to lie and it still makes me a little weepy thinking about it, but I attribute most of that to my pregnancy hormones because otherwise, I'm pretty even-tempered about the whole thing. I've always just envisioned it as this intricate knot I've had to untangle."

"You would view it that way, always the problem-solver."

"Yes, that's me," she said good-naturedly, "but it took a long time to navigate through this one, to pick out the right bits of rope to untie lest I get the knot tighter and more difficult."

"There you go again," Adam said. "You're going to make me cry or something!" Then he became aware of his voice and he and Chris looked around, but nobody was awake and so they relaxed a little, Chris even turned away from him and started looking out the window even though there was nothing to see out there except the black ink of night.

"I don't mean to," she said, "really, I don't."

"Well, I guess I can forgive you since it sounds like it really was a rough time for you both."

"It was, but I shouldn't be so down about it, you know, every life, peaks and valleys and what not."

_One night, I'd had a particularly bad night with Paul. I wanted to go back to being an onscreen character. I'd planned to make my return shortly after Paul and I were married. I only stopped being the GM because I had to focus on wedding stuff. I had a wedding planner, obviously, but I still had big stuff I needed to take care of, but I at no point ever said I wasn't going to be returning to my character. Paul thought this was a bad idea and I got angry with him and whenever I was angry with him, I went straight to Chris._

"_What did he do now?" Chris asked as I slammed the door open, not caring that anyone and everyone could see me walk into his locker room like I owned it or owned him. I don't know if there were rumors back then, but at that moment I didn't care._

"_Everything!" I said loudly, wanting to scream, but at least refraining from that. I did not, however, refrain from grabbing Chris's duffel bag from the couch where it lay and heaving it against the wall._

"_Hey, hey, hey," he said, coming over and grabbing my hands, "what was that for?"_

"_I hate him, Chris, I hate him so much," I told him, gritting my teeth together, "I don't know why I married that idiot."_

_We both know why though. Under the thin coat of armor, there it lies, the hurt from Chris, the need to run away from his rejection that made me run right into Paul. "What happened?" Chris asked, ignoring the other tension in the room, the elephant that will sit in that corner for far too long, watching and waiting to be brought to attention, but it will be stamped down for years. _

"_I wanted to come back," I told him. "I wanted to come back because this is what I'm good at. I'm good at playing the bitch for everyone and I like doing it, you know."_

"_Of course, you play it to perfection, even when people like you, it's because you're a bitch, but to the people they hate. You being a bitch made our rivalry as popular as it was, people believed it, they believed that you were that bad to me," he told me and I nodded along with what he was saying._

"_Yeah, well tell that to the ass I married," I sniped at nobody in general._

"_Again, what has he done?"_

"_He said that he doesn't want me to come back right now, that I should focus on being a wife since we're newlyweds and focus on the creative side of things primarily like I can't go out there and do my job because I'm married. Like I've suddenly become incompetent or something!" _

"_You haven't," he reassured me. "I know you haven't."_

"_He went to my father. He went to my father and he didn't tell me and now my father agrees that it's probably not the right time to come back, that it's something they should save for something big," I was so infuriated, I probably could have ripped my hair out if I wanted to, but then Chris's arms were around me and he was hugging me and I was shaking, I remember I was shaking so hard from the anger._

_It probably wasn't because I wasn't going to be on TV or even that Paul felt that way, but the fact that he'd gone to my father instead of talking to me, it still bothers me to this day. He didn't even have the decency to consult with me, ask what I want before he was going over my head, talking to my father. I know that bugs a lot of people now, I know how many of the guys hate him because he seems to have my father in his back pocket, but I also know that's going to change when everything comes out._

"We do hate it," Adam told her, "we all do."

"I know, I've known for a while," she responded.

"_He shouldn't have done that," Chris told me softly, the words I needed to hear right then and whispered into my hair. "I just needed him at that moment to tell me that everything was going to be alright. "He should have talked to you first."_

"_I know, he should have," I said to him. "I probably would have listened, you know, or at least taken into account what he was saying, but to go to my dad, to have things decided before I could…before I could do or say anything about it. I hate that. It's like I don't get to live my own life and I've been doing pretty well for myself, you know."_

"_I know," he pulled away and he looked at me and I looked up at him when I felt his gaze resting on my features._

"_Kiss me?" I asked or told him, I don't remember which, but he did just that, just kissed me and kissed me and my eyes were fluttering shut and I just let myself fall into the sensation because it felt so good and so liberating in a way that I can't explain even now. It was just like, a fuck you to Paul in that moment and I know I shouldn't say it like that, it seems wrong to use Chris like that, but it just felt so good._

_Until the door opened of course and before I could realize what was going on, Chris's lips were gone from mine and he was looking over my shoulder, his face turning a pale sort of red, like a cross between blanching and blushing and I turned to see who'd come in and saw my brother, my stunned brother letting the door fall behind him with a quiet click. There was no use trying to tell him he didn't see what he saw because he did. There was no use saying that it wasn't what he thought because it was. So I guess I just went with the next best thing._

"_We're having an affair, if you tell anyone, I will punch you in the face right now."_

"You told your brother you would punch him in the face?" Adam laughed.

"I didn't know what else to say, but I had to say something."

"What did he do?"

_Shane just stared between the both of us and I think Chris was honestly tongue-tied because he didn't or wouldn't say anything, instead keeping stock still as if he could evaporate if he just didn't move any muscle. Then my brother was shaking his head and almost…smiling, which was jarring considering the situation we were in. His words though, that was what really surprised me._

"_Well, at least you had better taste with your side guy than with your husband."_


	11. Chapter 11

"Wow, I never would have expected that reaction from Shane."

"Believe me, I didn't expect it either and neither did Chris," Stephanie explained to him. "I think Chris was actually about to have a heart attack right before that. It's not that he thought Shane could beat him up, but I think he just thought Shane would spill and then everything would fall apart."

"Was that something he was really worried about?"

"Yeah, it was. It still is," Stephanie said with a sigh. "It's hard to figure out what to do in a situation like this. I mean, there's only so much you really can do, right, before you screw it up? It's going to be hard breaking free from all of this and then going forward. There's so much to do, with the girls, with the divorces, but we're going to make it through."

"I have no doubt that you will," Adam said, glancing over at Chris, who had decided to take a moment for a cat nap. "Your boy is sleeping."

"Good, he needs it," Stephanie said. "That bus ride can't be fun and he should get his rest in while he can. With the baby coming, he's going to be in for some sleepless nights. I really think he's forgotten what those are like."

"Do you ever regret it?" Adam asked her.

"Not for a second," Stephanie answered immediately. "There's never been a moment where I thought to myself that this wasn't going to be right in the end. I have to believe that because my world is about to be changing. It's scary, but it's necessary."

"So Shane was just cool with it all?"

"Surprisingly…pretty much."

_I was surprised by how he reacted. I knew he'd had problems with Paul in the past, but I didn't think he would be so…casual about the entire thing. I think that he really doesn't like Paul because Paul is halfway up my dad's ass. Paul has always been a suck up and I saw through him since day one, but when the man you want is with another woman, suddenly every prospect becomes a better prospect. It's like when you just try to do the right thing because you really don't want to be the person who does the wrong thing repeatedly. Paul was that kind of mistake._

_My father loved him though. Paul is nothing if not all for the business, except the problem is, he's never worried about putting out a better product, but rather, he's worried about making himself look good. That's always been his problem, even before we started dating. I don't think Paul knows how to make other people look good. That's something Chris can do with anyone. He can make anyone look better than they are and he's all for the greater good._

"What do you think your father is going to say when it all comes out?"

"I'm not really sure. I like to think he'll be okay with it."

"But Chris isn't like Paul, not with wrestling at least, he has other stuff on his plate."

"I think what my dad will appreciate about Chris is he's willing to put other people in the spotlight. He's not going to push anyone out of it just so he can get in it. That's not in his nature and I don't think he would want to do that either. Chris understands the nature of the business better than anyone I think. He knows that he can't stay on top forever, and I think that's why he's so willing to put guys over."

"Don't you think Vince would love that? I mean, he would love a guy who would put over the young guys? You can't continue with the business if you don't have people willing to put other people over."

"I know that, but my father is just…he really likes Paul and I think it'll crush him a little bit to know I don't want to be with him any longer and that I haven't for a very long time. I think Chris will be good for the business, I have faith that everything will work out eventually. I know it's going to be scary at first, but Chris and I are strong."

"I'll say, I mean, you did say you would punch your brother in the face."

Stephanie laughed, "I did say that."

"So go on, what did your brother do or say after you he saw you?"

_Like I said, I think Chris is going to be good for the business. He's not selfish. He's accomplished everything he feels he needs to accomplish and because of that, he doesn't have that intense need to put himself over like Paul always has. You don't know how Paul can act sometimes. Paul is constantly asking to be inserted into the title picture. He's calmed down a bit, but back then, it was pretty constant and whenever someone was starting to gain momentum, he immediately wanted to face him._

_I stared at my brother and I just shook my head and asked him, "What did you just say?"_

_He just smirked at the both of us, like he should have known this was going to happen, but now that it was happening, he wanted to lord it over our heads forever, "I just said that at least you've redeemed your taste in men."_

"_What do you mean by that?" I asked because I think I was too much in shock to process that my brother was…okay with my affair._

"_I mean, Paul? The guy is the worst," Shane didn't mince words and he never does. "He's always trying to play like he's the best at everything and everyone is lucky to know him. I'm surprised you haven't noticed that in your relationship. He always acts like you're the lucky one to be married to him when it should be the other way around."_

"_That's for sure," Chris muttered and I turned to look at the both of them. _

"_You think that's how he acts?" I wondered. It's not like I didn't see Paul's faults, I did, but I never realized how obvious it was to other people until my brother, of all people, said something like that. My brother has always been honest with me, so it was like, it wasn't true until then. I mean, other people could say it and I would dismiss it, but Shane would never lie to me about something like that._

"_It's absolutely how he acts," Shane said, "and Dad actually likes him, which makes it even worse because Paul thinks he's got the absolute edge over everyone…clearly, he doesn't."_

"_So you're not going to like…tell Mom and Dad or Paul?" I was so sure he was just messing with me and he was going to go running to Paul as soon as the conversation was over. I was still in that paranoid stage of an affair, where it's this house of cards and even just the slightest breath will take it all down. I was wary of what he was really going to do and I just couldn't and didn't trust him at the time._

"_No, why would I? It's not my stuff to tell and I wouldn't betray your trust like that," Shane told us. Chris was just sitting there, not saying anything and I really don't blame him. He didn't really know what Shane was like. Well, he knew because they're friends, but this was a unique situation. "So when did this start?"_

"_It's a long story," I told him, not wanting to get into it. "I'm just…not happy, you know, with Paul and Chris has been a great…um, comfort to me."_

"_Yeah, _comfort_," Shane smirked as he looked at us. "But what's the deal? Are you two like in love or something? Is this just a fling?"_

"_We don't really know right now," Chris said, running his hand through his hair. "It's just really complicated right now."_

"_I never should have married Paul," I blurted out and then sighed and looked down at my feet. I hadn't meant to say that, but it just came out and it was the truth. When I looked back up at Shane, he looked sympathetic._

"_I knew you shouldn't have. I didn't want to say anything because it's your life and I would never try to ruin whatever you had with whomever you want to be with, but I can't say I didn't have my apprehensions when you married him. I just…didn't get it, you know."_

"_I was in love with Chris," I remember looking at Chris, knowing that he'd heard this, but that he could never hear this enough. I didn't want him to feel guilty, I still don't, that's the last thing I'd ever want to do to him, but I know sometimes he does feel guilty, like if he had just done one thing differently, but I can't look at life that way, I can't afford to anymore, not with everything on the horizon. Did we make bad choices? Yes, continually, but we're really trying to make the right ones now._

"_When?"_

"_Before, way before I ever married or became engaged to Paul. I became engaged to him because I was jealous," I'm so ashamed of myself to this day for letting myself fall into that trap. I wanted to retaliate and I did it in a completely destructive way. "I was jealous because Jessica was pregnant with Ash and I felt left in the dust. I know I shouldn't have felt that way, but I did. I couldn't help it. Chris was…the best thing in my life and I was so jealous."_

_I'd said the words, but Chris and I wouldn't discuss that point for a very long time. It was out there now, but we just couldn't talk about it because it would be admitting so much about how screwed up our relationship really was. There's no fairy tales or good stories that involve how Chris and I started seeing each other and the fact we were wrestling with other people at the same time has always been a very short discussion with the two of us because it's just…it's not how you want things to start._

"_There's nothing wrong with that," Shane told me, "but yeah, you kind of went about things in a bad way."_

"_I just wanted something of my very own…I wanted to make him jealous and I'm stupid for it, but…I don't know what else to say," I sat down heavily as Chris pulled me into a hug._

"_You two look good together," Shane sat down too, right across from me on the coffee table. He grabbed my hand and I looked over at him. "I want you to be happy, Steph, if it's with Chris, fine, I'm not going to say anything. You can trust me, you have always been able to trust me. I'm your big brother and I would never want anything to hurt you."_

"_I know," I told him, and it's true, he would never try to hurt me and then I knew he wouldn't tell my husband what was going on. "Paul doesn't get me."_

"_I don't think Paul relates to any human on any kind of emotional level," Shane joked as he squeezed my hand. "Chris, man, now I'm going to tell you this, but if you don't make my sister happy…"_

"_I know, man," Chris chuckled. "I want to do right by her, you know I want to do right by her and I'm trying my best to do that. It's a really complicated situation right now, especially with Jessica and Ash and Paul, but we want to figure it out. I want to make an honest woman out of your sister someday."_

"It's only taken you, what, like seven years?"

Stephanie laughed as she thought about it. "Yes. Just about that. I think the inability to really talk about what happened between us set us back. I mean, there were other things that held us back, but a lot of the time, we were afraid to talk about the big stuff because it was scary. I think we just both became complacent with each other and didn't think we needed to have the big talks because we were afraid it would end up badly."

"But you kind of have to now?"

"We eventually faced everything that happened, head-on, to the point where we're at a really good place now, but it wasn't easy getting to this place. In fact, Shane was really a big help to us and so was Marissa because Shane did tell her."

"So they actually helped you guys?"

"More than you'll ever know."


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and everything. With the site's new review system, if you want to leave an anonymous review, it always just says "Guest" so if you do leave an anonymous review, it'd be great if you could sign it or put your name on it so I know who's reviewing, thanks! :)

* * *

"_You know, you can't keep on like you're keeping on, right?"_

_I sighed as I stared at my sister-in-law. What she said was absolutely correct, but it was still hard to face that kind of truth. I knew what we were doing was wrong, I'd read a hundred articles, seen a hundred movies, enough to know that cheating is bad. I just…I didn't know how to stop it. I guess I should have at that point, before things got too complicated, but it was difficult. Everything felt so difficult. I should've been the bigger person at that point, but I've never been good at that._

_I knew Marissa judged me, I knew she did because she would look at me with these eyes. They weren't necessarily hateful, but I knew she was judging what I was doing. I knew she was disappointed, but she still supported me, something I'll be eternally grateful for. It's nice to know that even when you make the worst decisions, your family will be there to pick you up, to help you through things you just don't think you can get through._

"_I know," I sighed again, as if that would somehow clear my mind. "I just…I don't know what to do. I _just_ got married, you know, I'm technically still a newlywed, and I just…I think Paul loves me, and I don't want to break his heart…"_

_I know it was a lame excuse, I knew that by staying with him, I was only prolonging the hurt, making it deeper, but I just didn't want to come off as a failure. All I could picture were those Hollywood marriages, the ones that last 3 weeks or 2 weeks, and how everyone thinks you're an idiot, and I just let public opinion get to me too much. It's stupid in hindsight, but we were stupid, _I_ was stupid._

"_Steph, you're cheating on the guy, pretty regularly I might add," Marissa told me as I cringed. Her eyes softened as she regarded me, "Steph, I'm sorry I have to say these things, but you know they're true. I mean, believe me, I think you and Chris are cute together, and he genuinely seems to like you or love you or whatever you two are to each other, but you know this is wrong, right? You know this isn't how a real relationship works."_

_I snapped at her, running my hands through my hair, "You don't think I don't know that? You don't think I wrestle with this every day. Every day, every single goddamn day, I think about it, I think about how wrong I am for feeling like this, how wrong I am for treating innocent people like this. I tried to resist, Ris, I really did, but it was too difficult."_

"_I know, honey," Marissa wasn't even surprised by my outburst, instead just taking my hand, rubbing her thumb across my knuckles. "But decisions are going to have to be made soon, you know that, right? You can't keep living your life like this."_

"_I know, I know what you're saying is real, but…"_

"_He has a baby, Steph," Marissa gently reminded me, which made me feel like the lowest scum. I knew it, I knew it and I knew that I was taking Chris away from that._

"I thought you said Marissa and Shane helped you more than I could know," Adam said, "it doesn't sound like Marissa was being very helpful."

"It was though," Stephanie said, "because it was just what I needed to hear. I _needed_ to hear what I was doing because I needed the other perspective. It was easy to live in my fantasy world, but I needed someone to be there for me and to tell me what I was doing was wrong."

"So what happened, did you listen to her? I mean, obviously you didn't really listen to her if you're still with Chris and everything, but what happened after that? I know you said you pulled away from Chris again, was this one of those times?"

"Yeah, it was."

"_He has a baby," I let Shane wrap his arm around my shoulder. Sometimes you just need a brother to be there for you. I think your sibling understands you in a way that you don't even understand yourself. When I was younger, like really young, before Shane turned into an insufferable teenager, he used to be really protective of me, like a father. If I fell, he would rush over and see if I was okay, kiss boo-boos, all those little things dads do for you. He just knows me and he was always there for me, and this was no exception._

"_I know," Shane said to me, but it wasn't judging or disappointed, he was just agreeing with me._

"_He has a son. He's beautiful," I told Shane, tears welling in my eyes. "I'm taking a man away from his baby, Shane."_

"_Shh," Shane kissed the crown of my head. "You can't help who you fall in love with."_

"_That's just the thing, you should be able to when the man is married," Stephanie said, "I never claimed to be a saint, but this is probably the worst thing I've ever done in my entire life, but I don't know how to stop it."_

"_Do you want to stop it?" he asked me, and I nodded. "What is it you want to stop though? Do you want to be with him full-stop, no secrets, or do you want to be free from him?"  
_

_That was the question I kept asking. The easier of the two would be to let him go, but that just didn't feel like a possibility. I don't know how he got so under my skin, but he was on my mind so much, I felt like I couldn't escape him, but then the brevity of everything we'd done fell on me, and I didn't think I could take going through with being with him full-stop, with everything surrounding us._

"_I don't even know," I said morosely. "I don't even know what it is I want, I just know I don't want _this_."_

"_You know, I hate to say it, but sometimes…love just isn't enough, Steph," Shane told me, "I know it's cliché to say it, but it's true. Sometimes we can love so hard, but we just can't have what we really think we want."_

"_I don't want to take him away from his son," I finally admitted, "I don't want to tear that little boy's world apart. He's so cute, Shane. I mean, I've never met him, but I've seen pictures and stuff, and Chris is so good with him. He's such a great father, he's perfect. I just don't think I could take breaking that little boy's heart."_

"_It sounds like you know what you want to do. But whatever it is you choose, Steph, you have to know that I'm here for you, and Marissa is here for you too."_

"_Plus, I do have Paul."_

"_Yeah, there is that guy," Shane said, but I could hear the distaste a mile away._

"So you decided to break up with him?" Adam asked, looking over at Chris, who appeared to be dozing. "The man of the hour is asleep by the way."

"Well, it's late, I'm surprised you're not falling asleep," Stephanie laughed. "I should be asleep, but the baby keeps odd hours sometimes, and she's keeping me up right now."

"I'm not falling asleep because I never need to sleep," Adam joked. "Actually, I do, but this is way too interesting not to listen to, plus, this is a long ass bus trip, and I don't even feel like I've heard half the story."

"Because you really haven't, why don't I let you get some sleep though."

"No, go on," Adam whined. "Just tell me what happened, then you can go to sleep, I can go to sleep, and you can continue this story tomorrow. We've got lots of time to talk, I mean, we're in for another bus ride tomorrow, so you can talk to me then."

"Well, why don't you just ask Chris tomorrow instead of bugging me about it?" Stephanie laughed. "He was there too, he knows the story."

"Oh yeah, I guess I just like hearing your voice better," Adam said in a flirtatious tone.

"Watch it, buddy," Stephanie joked, "I've had enough trouble with men to last me two lifetimes, I don't need any of your charm invading my personal space."

"Okay, okay, sorry," Adam apologized, giving a quick sweep of the area to make sure nobody was listening in on his conversation. He would have a hell of a time trying to explain why he was talking with Stephanie in the middle of the night on Chris's phone no less. Not that he didn't think it would be pretty funny letting everyone know Paul was about to no longer be in charge, but it wasn't his news to tell.

_Anyways, I knew what I had to do. I know that it was the difficult thing to do, at least for me, but I had to do it. It was so selfish of me to think I could have my cake and eat it too. I just kept thinking about Ash, that little boy who was so sweet and so innocent, and I remembered why I originally had to stay away from Chris. I knew it was hard to stay away from him, but I was convinced that because I was doing the wrong thing, eventually I would just forget about it. I did have a husband after all. You may be thinking, what the hell was going on with you and Paul during all this. He was none the wiser. I know, it makes him seem like an idiot for not gleaning onto something when I'm making it sound so blatant, but it really wasn't. Chris and I were really good at hiding, obviously, and Paul had no clue._

_I did feel terrible for what I was doing to Paul. He might not have been the best husband, and his selfishness might have been a slap in the face after we were married, but I did choose this man, so I did see the good side to him. He did have a good side, he _does_ have one, it's just very hard to find sometimes, but it's in there. I know I'm going to feel horrible when everything comes out, especially with how long this has been going on._

_He doesn't deserve any of this, and he didn't deserve it then. When everything is over, I'm going to have regrets, I know that, I know that some of the things that have passed are going to be crosses I bear for the rest of my life. It's hard to think about, but I'm ready for that kind of responsibility if it means Chris and I can be happy with our families. You have to take the good with the bad, they say, so I'm ready to take the bad if it means I get a hell of a lot of good._

"_Steph, hey," Chris greeted me with a kiss to the cheek as we met at a restaurant. It was pretty tame, but my eyes were searching the restaurant anyways. I guess to anyone who really looked, it was just two friends having a friendly lunch._

_"Hey," I said, trying to keep the sadness from creeping into my voice. I needed to stay strong, to not let this get to me._

"_I'm glad you asked me out, I've missed you," he told me, another smile._

"_I can't do this." I was horrified that I'd just blurted it out like that. I'd planned to be gentle about the entire thing, but there I went, blowing that all to high heaven. I was so embarrassed about it, but what could I really do? I'd said it, it was over, that was it, I'd put it out there._

"_Do what?" he asked, but he knew. He knew what was going on. _

"_Chris, I'm thinking about Ash," I started, which was true. "I think he's adorable, you know that. I would have loved him if we could be together, but we can't. He has his mom and his dad, and I've been so fucking selfish."_

"_So let's do this then, let's be together, for real."_

"_I can't do that. I mean, he's a baby…"_

"_So what?" Chris said, "he won't know the difference if we do this now."_

"_I don't want to be that woman who took a baby from his mom and dad. Everyone will know and…I'm sorry, Chris. I know I said I could stay away from you before, and I didn't, and that's my fault—"_

"_It was both of us."_

"_Yes, but now I really do have to be the bigger person," I stood up, "I'm sorry, I can't stay here. I'm so sorry, Chris, I'm so sorry."_

_Then I left._

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A/N: Just a little reminder that if you do review anonymously, please sign your name or screename or whatever you want so I can identify you, thanks! :)


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, hope you enjoy! :)

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"Hey, morning, dude."

Chris looked up and saw Adam standing in back of the chair in front of Chris. Adam pointed to the chair and Chris nodded so Adam slipped into the seat, "Hey, what's up?" Chris asked, popping a strawberry into his mouth.

"Just came down for breakfast, kind of like you," Adam said. "I just wanted to sit down and let you know I want to hear more of your story."

"Okay," Chris yawned. "I guess Stephanie told you more last night." He took a quick look around and there weren't any wrestlers in the immediate area. He felt like he could freely talk right now without being overheard and everything Chris and Stephanie planned for going completely down the drain.

"Yeah, hold on, let me get my food," Adam quickly stood up and walked over to the buffet line, grabbing his plate and loading it up with food before he sat back down with Chris. "So come on, let's hear it."

"God, you're so impatient."

"Maybe I just want all the blackmail I can get so that you'll have to put the belt on me," Adam wiggled his eyebrows.

"Stephanie may be pregnant, but that wouldn't stop her from kicking your ass," Chris laughed as he continued eating.

"I just don't understand why you take the plunge right now. You two are obviously in love, you have kids together, multiple kids, and yet, you just haven't told anyone yet. I mean, I get the whole timing thing, but don't you think you've waited long enough?"

"Yes, of course I do, I've thought it for a while, but Stephanie's world is not like our world, at least not since her mother became politically involved. They get Linda on every, little thing. I mean, I'm sure you've heard about it, right?"

"I've heard some stuff, yeah."

"They keep bringing up storylines, they brought up the name of Vince's boat, they bring up every damn thing about the WWE they can use, the lawsuits, everything. Can you imagine the field day they'd have if they found out Stephanie and I have been having an affair for _years_ and have three children together?"

"I guess you've got a point, but what if she gets elected and then this comes out?"

"Well…she'll be in office," Chris shrugged lamely, "there will be fallout, but we're hoping to limit it as much as we possibly can, which probably won't be much, but we're trying, not just for us, but really, for our kids, all of mine, and ours, we don't want them to…it's just hard."

"I hate to tell you should have done something when it's already over, but why not just leave Jessica after you had Ash, why not? How long did you stay away from each other this time?"

Chris thought back to that period in time. "A while this time, actually, more than a while. We pretty much stayed away from each other until I decided to leave the company. It was a year, maybe a year and a half."

"Wow, that long?" Adam was surprised to find they'd stay away from each other that long. "Didn't you like…miss her?"

"Of course I did!" Chris exclaimed, then coughed as he lowered his voice. "I mean, of course I missed her, but then…it's just kind of like, guilty."

"I guess I can see that," Adam mused.

"I had this wife, who did love me, then I had this son who I thought and still think hangs the moon, you know what I mean. It's not like I was going back to nothing. She had a point, a very valid point. I kept thinking and thinking about how I should at least try to be a family with my wife, you know, for Ash's sake. I just felt like I owed him that chance."

"So that's why you stayed away from her?"

"For the most part, yeah. Plus, Stephanie was trying with Paul, and she was owed that chance as well, even if he wasn't exactly her first choice," Chris said it without hubris. It just was what it was. He and Stephanie never got a clear shot. There was always obstacles in their way. "I mean, she did marry the guy, you know, I thought that there had to be a reason for that, and there was."

"But that reason was because she couldn't have you!"

"Well, sure, but she had to at least like the guy. I mean, sure, part of it was kind of revenge, in a really sad turn of events, but she still had to like the guy."

"I'll never understand how. He's not a good guy."

"I'm sure he has some redeeming qualities," Chris said, frowning as he thought about how much time _his_ daughters spent with the man. That was going to change though, and they were all so young that he would be a distant memory. And with his new little girl, she would have no memory of Paul whatsoever because that baby was not going to know anyone else as Daddy except for Chris.

"I'd like to know what they are then," Adam scoffed. "So if you stayed away from her, why did you again find yourself with her, especially if you were going to leave? I mean, you could have just stayed away if you stayed away for that long."

"I probably would have if I didn't have to work with her. If she was just some woman I knew, it might have been easier, but seeing her all the time, it was difficult."

_I wasn't happy, I wouldn't say I was happy, but I guess I was content. After you're stuck in complacency for so long, it just becomes the norm, and I think you almost just get so used to it, nothing really phases you. Nothing is too good or too bad, you're just happy with what you have. Jessica isn't necessarily a terrible person, we're just…we've grown apart so much that it seems like all we ever do it fight with each other. It's kind of sad._

_Ash was my lifesaver. With Ash, it made everything worth it. It made staying and trying with Jessica worth every minute because he is just about the first best thing to ever happen to me. I know I should say it's Jessica was a great thing or that Stephanie was a great thing, but Ash was the first time in my life where everything was perfect. _He_ was perfect, and I love being a dad. That's what it's all about, isn't it? Once your kid is born, you realize everything else was just a moot point._

_AS long as I had him, things didn't seem that bad. With wrestling though, I was just starting to get really burned out. It wasn't as fun for me, and I don't want to blame that on Stephanie, but I'd be lying if I said that she wasn't part of it. It was just difficult seeing her. I knew she was trying with Paul, and at least outwardly, everything looked fine. Actually, it looked better than fine. She actually looked happy with him. At first, there was pain, sharp pain that bolted right through my stomach. After a while though, it was just a dull ache. Sometimes I would see them laughing or God forbid kissing, and it just reinforced that she was really trying with him._

_Wrestling just wasn't fun for me at that point. Seeing Stephanie with Paul was just the bitter icing on that cake. Unfortunately, as she was the head of creative, in order to cement down a storyline for my exit, I had to talk to her. I originally went to Vince to tell him I was burnt out, and I needed some time off. At first, he offered me a few months, but I told him this would be indefinite. I think he was shocked, but I said that at some point, I may consider a return. There wasn't much he could say, just accept it and tell me to consult with Stephanie on how I would leave._

_Stephanie, on the other hand, was not happy about it at all, and she wanted answers. "Hey, Steph," I said as I walked in, but I was tentative with my greeting. _

_She looked up and she gave me this sad look, "What are you doing?"_

"_What do you mean?" I wondered. There were a lot of things I was doing, I just needed to know what she was referring to._

"_Leaving?" she shook her head. "How could you?"_

"_Very easily, actually," I told her easily, not realizing how condescending and mean I was coming across. I hadn't meant to. I wasn't angry with her, but that's how she perceived it because her face fell just the tiniest bit. If you don't know Stephanie, you never would have noticed it._

"_But…why?" she asked me, pleading really, to know, to understand._

"_I'm not happy here anymore," I explained, sitting down across from her. "I'm just not happy."_

"_What can we do to stop this from happening?" She said we, but everything in her demeanor meant her. She was asking what _she_ could do to keep me from going. I wasn't even sure there was anything she could do at this point. I was that far gone. It was like I was already halfway out the door._

"_Nothing," I told her because there wasn't anything. "I'm simply tired, Steph, I need this."_

"_But for how long?"_

"_I'm not sure," I shrugged. "I'm not definitely saying I'm retiring. I'm not outright saying that but—"_

"_But there's a chance you'll never be back?" Stephanie finished for me. I didn't look her in the eye, but I could feel her gaze on me. She made a little squeaking sound, like she just realized how serious I was. "What happened?"_

"_Nothing _happened_, Stephanie, nothing specific. But look at it this way. Everyone has gotten time off, whether it's due to injury or something else, guys have had time off. For the past five years, I've been here, always here, taking this company on my back, and it's hard, Steph. Sometimes I wish I was injured, not bad, but just a little, just enough so I can go home and stay there for a while."_

"_I'm sure you miss Ash," she told me quietly._

"_Every second I'm not with him, but that's not the point—"_

"_You miss Jessica," she supplied._

"_Well…she's…there, and yes, I guess I miss her," I nearly had to choke that out, but I managed to nonetheless. It tasted disgusting in my mouth though._

"_I see…" I don't think she really saw, but she was trying her best to remain neutral. "I guess I understand why you feel the need to leave for a while. I would much rather you have some kind of timetable for your return though."_

"_That's just the thing though, I don't really know when I'm going to return, it could be a year from now or two, or even five, I'm just not sure, Stephanie," I told her, really believing I could stay away for that long. _

"_That's too long," she told me. "I don't think…I mean, I don't think the company could handle being away from you…I mean, I don't think the company could handle your loss for that long."_

_She was so pathetically trying to cover for herself, to not tell me what she was really thinking. "Stephanie, I've seen you, you look happy with Paul."_

"_Appearances can be deceiving, Chris, you of all people should know that," she told me, but then ducked her head. "Look, we're going to want to make your leaving a big deal. So we'll put you in a feud with Cena. He's gaining steam here, and it would be marquee. You guys have never really worked together, his rookie outing notwithstanding, and it'll be good."_

"_So you just think of it like that?"_

"_No, but we can iron out the details later," she told me, still refusing to look up at me._

"_Stephanie, what's going on with you?"_

"_I'm fine," she said, but it was unconvincing. "I have a lot of work to do, Chris. We can talk later."_

"What happened later?" Adam asked.

"We didn't talk."


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Thanks for all the reads and reviews, still meandering through this story, not entirely sure where it's going to take me. I hope you like my latest offering, and review if you feel like it, which I hope you do! :)

* * *

"So you just didn't talk?"

"Yeah," Chris shrugged, "we just didn't talk at all. I dealt with the storyline through some of the other writers or I just handled it with John. You know how I've been getting creative control for a while. Stephanie just kept out of it. I knew she was doing it on purpose, but at that point, I just needed to get out of the company."

"So you guys just abandoned each other essentially, that's what you're saying?" Adam asked.

"It wasn't like that. We both had lives at this point. I had Ash and Jessica, and she had Paul, we had lives, and they were not going the same direction. If she didn't want to talk to me, that was that. I couldn't force her."

"So what about the night you left, did you at least talk to her then or did you just leave without saying a word to her?"

"No, I mean, we didn't have some long conversation about our relationship or anything like that, but we talked, I thought we got closure that night," Chris said wistfully. It was only wistful in that he should have done something different that night. He should have made a different choice that night. Maybe if he had done that, he would have had her longer, but instead, they kept going in their different directions because that's what he thought was right at the time.

_Everyone was saying goodbye to me that night. As soon as I stepped back behind the curtain after I'd been unceremoniously fired, everyone was coming up to me, even guys I didn't know that well. They kept shaking my hand, thanking me, telling me how much of an influence I was on them. It was like I had died and was going to my own funeral or something. Nobody had a bad word to say to me. _

_I have to admit, I was really glad to be out of there. I felt almost free the moment I knew it was over. I remember I went to the locker room, took my shower, got dressed, and grabbed my stuff. The show was over, but there were still a few guys lingering around. I said my goodbyes to a few of them, and then I was walking down the hallway. I saw her door. The nameplate was still on it, so I figured she still had to be there. She kept the nameplate on until she left. It's her way of saying she's still there if you need her._

_I don't know why I felt the need to say goodbye. I figured that awkward conversation could serve as our goodbyes, but that didn't feel right. She called for me to come in, and so I stepped inside. Paul was sitting there on the couch and he sat up straighter as I entered. I hadn't expected him there, and I was a little put out. I wanted to talk to Stephanie alone, and she wasn't so I stood there awkwardly as she got up quickly. Actually, she got up so fast, her chair slammed against the wall, startling all of us._

"_Stephanie, are you okay?" Paul asked her gruffly. She looked like a deer caught in the headlights, but she managed to take a breath and she nodded. He turned back to me and gave me a cursory nod. "So you're leaving for real, yeah?"_

"_Yeah, contract's done, I'm no longer an employee," I said, trying not to notice how smug he got when I said that. I don't know why he hated me before all of that. I just never really understood. I'd heard the rumors, but there was really no reason for him to hate me._

"Now he's got four huge reasons," Adam laughed.

"Yeah, now, if he wants to hate me, I get it, and I deserve it, but back then, he just had this weird grudge on me."

"I think he has a grudge on everyone that isn't better than him, which, I think is pretty much the entire roster.

_Anyways, Paul was obviously happy that I was leaving, "Did you have something you needed to do here?" Paul asked, shrugging his shoulders._

"_Not really," I answered, sucking at my teeth a little. I didn't dare look at Stephanie while Paul was glaring at me because I knew he would figure out why I was really here. "I just wanted to say thank you to Stephanie, since she was the one who broached the Cena storyline with her father, and I know she green-lighted it. It was the perfect way to go out, and I appreciate that she let me have what I wanted in the end."_

_Stephanie's lips turned up into a small smile, "I just wanted you to be happy with the way you were leaving."_

"_I was happy," I nodded, staring at her now. Paul was forgotten about for the moment as we stared at each other. "I think the fans liked it."_

"_Yeah, even though they didn't want you to leave," she told me, and I knew she was telling me _she_ didn't want me to leave. In that moment, I wanted to stay there forever, but then I saw her husband out of the corner of her eye. _

"_It's for the best," I told her, "I'm just burnt out."_

_Paul grunted, "I don't see how you could be burnt out."_

_Stephanie gasped, "Paul, why would you say something like that!"_

"_It's the truth. This is my passion, I could never feel burnt out."_

"_You've also had time off," I retorted. I was so mad that he thought he was better than me because I felt like I needed a break. "You were gone for nearly a year with your knee injury."_

"_Yeah, working to get back," Paul argued, "not sitting around."_

"_You guys," Stephanie cut in between us. "Stop it. Paul, Chris is more than allowed to take some time off if he wants it. He's been working his butt off here for years and in WCW before that, and ECW before that, and internationally before that."_

_I was impressed with how well she knew my career, how closely she seemed to have followed it or looked it up after the fact. "It's not forever," I told her, like I had to reassure her, and I did see her face soften. "I just wanted to say goodbye."_

"_That's really nice of you," Stephanie came from around her desk. "I'll miss you too, who else is going to propose storylines where I get insulted at every turn."_

"_Oh great, here come the waterworks," Paul intimated with a groan. "Steph, I'll be in the car, get your things after you say goodbye, and let's go. See you around, Chris, if you ever decide to come back."_

"_Yeah, later," I rolled my eyes, glad to be rid of him. I turned to Stephanie to say something as soon as Paul was out of the room, but her face said she didn't want to hear it. She knew I was going to say something asking about why she was with that guy, but we were both reminded that it was because of me she was with him, at least indirectly. "I'm going to miss you, Stephanie."_

"_Thank you, I'm going to miss you too," she told him, biting her lip as if she wanted to say more, but wasn't going to right now. "So this is it?"_

"_Yeah, I guess this is it," he said, "you know if he acts like a jerk to you, my phone line is always open. It's not like I'm going to change my number and act like the WWE doesn't exist. You exist to me, Stephanie, and if he's a jerk or you just need an outlet."_

_She threw her arms around me, hugging me tightly. "Be happy, Chris, okay, and give your little boy a million hugs from me because I know you want to catch up."_

_I hugged her back, "Bye, Stephanie."_

"Dude, that does sound a little relationship-y if you ask me," Adam said.

"It wasn't really because we didn't really talk in-depth. I left after that, she left after that, and then that was that. I went home, I acted like I was happy with my wife, which I thought I was for a little while, and I got to spend a ton of time with my son, which was the best thing I could do at that time. I was so happy around him, but something was still missing."

"It was her, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, it was her. I couldn't shake her. My heart, body, whatever, had already decided that she was the one. My brain was the lone holdout. It kept telling me to make it work with my family, and not to think about her. It was easy at first. When I made the break from the company, as you know, I pretty much stayed away. It wasn't that I didn't necessarily keep in touch with some people, I did, but not as much, and with her, not at all."

"But wouldn't this be around the time she got pregnant with Aurora?" Adam leaned in to whisper a little bit, his eyes darting around, but it was loud and nobody was paying attention to their conversation. "If you didn't talk to her, how did that even happen?"

"You're going to laugh," Chris shook his head as he himself laughed, "Actually, Aurora's conception is pretty funny. Well, not so much funny as it is kind of crazy, although talking about my sex life is a little weird."

"Well, I'm not asking for the details!" Adam sat back and made a face. "I mean, yes, you can tell me what Stephanie is like in bed, I have no problem with that, but you can just leave yourself out of the equation."

"Stop trying to bark up the Stephanie tree, it's not going to happen, that's the mother of my children you're talking about," Chris scowled. "She does have that really nice pregnancy glow though."

"Oh God, are you going to start getting all emotional about her?"

"No, not at all," Chris said, "Aurora was conceived at a Christmas party."

Edge snickered. "What? At a Christmas party? You're not serious, right? Wait…_whose_ Christmas party? There aren't many Christmas parties that you both…oh, you've got to be kidding me, you got her pregnant at Paul's best friend's Christmas party?"

"Well, he was busy with Shawn the entire time," Chris argued. "Stephanie wasn't having a good time, and I was there because Shawn and I had gotten closer after our WrestleMania match in 2003. I knew she'd be there, but after months of no contact, I thought I'd be okay."

"Was Jessica there, I can't remember."

"No, she wasn't there, she didn't come with me," Chris said, "Stephanie was just bored, and I was happy to see her, and things just escalated from there."

"_Chris, we're drunk," Stephanie laughed._

"_No, we're not, that's just your excuse for being in this…um, office with me?" I looked around, trying to figure out where we were, but it was kind of dark, and I didn't really know Shawn's house all that well._

"_Yeah, it's his wife's office," Stephanie said, looking around, but you couldn't see much because we hadn't turned the lights on so the only light was coming from the small hallway that led to the stairs to the main floor. "I figured if we were drunk, this wouldn't be so awkward."_

"_It's going to be anyways," I said, running my hand over her hair. It was mussed from dancing upstairs. The music was still thumping, causing the ceiling to rumble a little. "You're not having fun."_

"_You're not either," she told me, and I shrugged._

"_I'm not having a terrible time," he said, "I mean, I'm kind of honored that I was invited at all. I figured your husband would try to blacklist me or something."_

"_Out of sight, out of mind I guess," she answered._

"_What about you?"_

"_What about me?"_

"_Am I out of your mind?" I asked, and at the time, I thought it was really romantic, but it was more like a desperate, little boy who wanted to know if the girl he loved still loved him. I really had no right to ask, but I had to, I just had to know if I still held any place in her heart._

"_No, I don't think you could be at this point," she told me, "I don't think I want you to be. Do you think about me?"_

"_More than you will ever know."_

"And then nature took over and Aurora was conceived," Chris shrugged.

"But how did you take that kind of news?"

"Not well."


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy! :)

* * *

"What do you mean it didn't go well?"

"Just like I said, it was just…I mean, how do you really respond to that?"

"I'm not sure, I've never knocked up a married woman, I mean, I've slept with a girl in a relationship, not my proudest or finest moment," Adam said, recalling the times when he'd slept with Amy while she was still with Matt and he was still married, "but I mean, I didn't get Amy pregnant."

"What would you have done if you did?"

"Freaked out a little…or a lot," Adam shrugged one of his shoulders. "I mean, I didn't even think about that when it was happening, but I guess I would be pretty freaked out, especially if it was still when I was with Lisa, you know."

"Yeah," Chris nodded, "we're not the best guys, are we?"

"No, we're pretty good guys, we've just slipped up, but now we're both, well, we're both kind of past that, I'm past that, you will be past it soon, although at this point, I'm thinking you should get it over with soon because you're wasting precious time, you know."

"Oh, I know," Chris said, "but remember, Linda's campaign, it's just too much of a scandal now. If we did it during her election, the scandal would erupt, and it might even go national. I mean, it's not something like being caught with a prostitute, and it's not like there isn't always some sort of controversy surrounding the McMahons, but it's just not a great time."

"I get it," Adam said, "you have to hide it for a little while longer, but I don't get why you just didn't come out with it sooner, I mean, sooner like when she was pregnant with Aurora, why didn't you do it then? You'd think that would be the perfect time."

_Well, like I said, I didn't take the entire thing too well. If I could go back and change things, there's so much I would change. The problem with everything was the fact Stephanie was married. It was my problem too, of course, I had Jessica, and the biggest problem with all of that was…well, I'm getting ahead of myself right now. I should go back to when she told me exactly what was going on. She called me. I think I was on tour near her or she was with the company near me, it was something where we were close by, and she called me._

"_Chris?"_

"_Stephanie, um, hi, this is weird," I told her because we weren't exactly on speaking terms. After our little…whatever, encounter I guess, at Shawn's Christmas party, we went our separate ways again. We just chalked it up to the night and the feeling of nostalgia. I think one of our worst traits was trying to convince ourselves that we weren't right for each other somehow. It's so easy to blame things like that on timing, but I really think we were trying to tell each other we weren't right for each other._

"Which is obviously wrong, am I right?"

"Yes, we eventually came to that conclusion," Chris chuckled. "At least I would hope so with our current conditions."

_Anyways, she called me, "I heard you were in the area, and I was hoping we could meet up, if that's alright with you. I need to see you."_

"_Like meet me in a hotel room need to see me?"_

"_No, nothing like that…just, do you think you could meet me in Central Park, I can drive up to New York, and since you're going to be there anyways, I figure that might be a good meeting spot. Do you know where the Alice in Wonderland statue is?"_

"_Yeah, I know where it is."_

"_Can you meet me there tomorrow at two?"_

"_Okay, I'll be there," I told her. It's pretty funny we met at the Alice statue. Hindsight is kind of ironic that way. She reads that to Aurora, she says that it has an emotional value to her now because that's where she told me about her. It's her little way of connecting things, that's what she says. It's a little too sentimental for me, but she likes it, even if it wasn't the greatest day._

_I met up with her the next day, walking through the park, enjoying the coolness. Since I live in Florida but grew up in Canada, the cold was a welcome thing. There weren't a lot of people there since it was February, I think that's why she picked it. She was already there, sitting on a bench by herself, staring at the statue. Nothing looked different about her, but she was only a couple months along, plus she was bundled up. She spotted me, and smiled lightly, standing up as I wandered over to her. I could tell she wanted to hug me, but I wasn't sure the protocol. I ended up hugging her anyways._

"_So what's up?" I asked when we finally sat down. _

_She sat staring at the statue for a few more minutes before she answered. "I'm pregnant."_

_I gave her the once over as if I could see through all her clothes, but of course, I couldn't, so I just stared at her a moment, searching her face. "Given the fact that you're telling me, alone, here, that you're pregnant, I'm guessing that you think this kid is mine?"_

"_I'm pretty sure, yes."_

_I scoffed because that's just what you want to hear, you know. Hey, you may have gotten me pregnant. It's not exactly the best of sentences to ever here. "Pretty sure?" I asked her because I needed to know what pretty sure meant to her. _

"_I just mean to say that it's probably yours, I'm fairly positive it's yours, the timeline certainly supports the theory."_

"_So you didn't sleep with your husband at all around the time you slept with me?"_

_I wasn't trying to be harsh, but I think that's how I cam across. More than anything, I think I was just reeling. I wanted Stephanie so much back then, but I never allowed myself to realistically picture it. Oh sure, I would let myself daydream, but daydreaming is all the nice things, never the other stuff you have to go through to get to the good things. But now I was being smacked in the face by it, and a million thoughts were running through my mind. I just needed as much of the truth as I could get._

"_Not really, I mean, I did—"_

"_Steph, if you did, that doesn't mean the baby is mine" I told her, and I tried to be as gentle as possible saying it, but she still looked hurt, like I had no right to question it, but I did. I didn't want to hurt her, hell, in that moment, _I_ was hurt because she was obviously almost a few months pregnant, yet she hadn't bothered to tell me beforehand. "Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"_

"_Because I'm not that far along, because I just had my first ultrasound and it was the first they could really tell how far along I was, when I conceived, and it fits, and I felt the need to tell you," she told me with steely resolve. That's what she does when she's hurt, she gets tougher. I think she's the only person who gets stronger the more you doubt her._

"_This is a lot to take it," I ran my hands through my hair, staring at the ground. "I mean, it was just the one time, we've been so good, we've been so…"_

"_Faithful?" Stephanie laughed mirthlessly. "Yeah, I know. I never wanted my life to be like this, who does? You think you'll find the person you love, and you'll marry them, and you'll have kids with them, and it'll all work out. You never expect the man you love to already be with someone when you fall in love with them."_

_I stared at her a moment. It was the first time she ever said that directed at me. Sure, I heard her when she told her brother, but we'd never really, truly let ourselves say the words because it was that final fall. _

"Yeah, I never let myself say it with Amy, not until after the fallout," Adam said wistfully. "You feel it, and you don't want to feel it because you know it's wrong, but…"

"Feelings always get involved. I don't know how anyone can say they've had a no strings attached relationship, there are _always_ strings attached. There's always going to be feelings, and maybe they're not as strong sometimes, but they're there. It's silly to think they wouldn't be."

"I know what you mean. What I had with Amy, it was just supposed to be that one time, but you just…you can't…"

"_You love me," I said, more of a statement than anything else. We both knew it, we just never let ourselves say it out of fear that it would change everything, but it already changed when she told me she was pregnant._

"_You knew," she responded. "I mean, how could I not, really? How could I not love you when all you've ever been is everything to me? I've made so many mistakes, Chris, so many dumb mistakes, but I can't say that I'm mad about it. I can't say that they've led me down some horrible path because love shouldn't be like that, and I sound stupid."_

"_I love you too if it means anything."_

_She smiled at me, but it held a bit of cringe into it, "I know, and it means the world to me."_

"_So…you're not sure."_

"_I'm not sure," she said, "I'm obviously going to tell people it's Paul's because, well…I mean to say…"_

"_You don't want me there," I finished for her._

"_It's not that, Chris, you know it isn't," Stephanie rubbed her gloved hands together. "You know it could never be that, I would never…you have Jessica, and you have Ash—"_

"_And that's the same argument you used last time, Stephanie, it's the same argument you keep using, but how flimsy is it? How many times can you say that?"_

"_Every time I think about Ash," Stephanie admitted to me. "Every time I think about tearing that little boy away from his father and mother who should be together…"_

"_Steph, you know in this world, things are different, right? I mean, there's divorce, and it's not like I wouldn't see him and—"_

"_And the guilt would eat me alive," Stephanie said. "The guilt of it all would make me hate myself. That's where I'm at, Chris, that's where I've always been at. I feel so horribly guilty for loving you when I shouldn't have, for marrying Paul when I shouldn't have, for sleeping with you when I shouldn't have. I have all this guilt stored up inside of me, and I feel like if I take you away from Ash, it'll all fall on me, that I will just…that I'll collapse under the guilt."_

_I scooted over to her and took her in my arms. She cried into my neck and I just held her there until they subsided. There was really nothing I could do for her, nothing I could for either of us. She was right in a way, right that it would feel like she was taking me away even if I didn't feel like that. I wished I could make it better, but how? In that situation, how?_

"_Okay, well, okay," I gave in because the thought of her breaking kind of broke me too. "We'll wait until after the baby is born, and we'll get a paternity test, alright, just to make sure. Then we'll go from there."_

"_Are you sure?"_

"_We really don't know that the baby is truly mine, so yeah, I think this is the best way. I want to be kept informed, I know that it'll look weird if I go with you to an appointment or something," I sighed, wishing I could be there for the ride. I still wish I could, but…circumstances, you know. I'll always regret that. I know we can't turn back time, but I will always wish I could have been there._

"_I'm sorry."_

"_Hey, we're both at fault here," I told her because we were, I hate when someone takes all the blame when it's clearly not all theirs. "We'll figure it out, alright? We'll get through this."_

"But what happened once Aurora was born?" Adam wondered. "What happened to taking care of things? I mean, shouldn't that have been an indication that you guys should have been together."

"The twins happened."


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews and reads and stuff, let's see where this chapter takes us, enjoy! :)

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"Oh man, yeah, that's right, the twins were born, what, like a week before Aurora?"

"Yeah, but that's not how it was supposed to go since the twins were really early. They should have been born a couple months _after_ Aurora, it's just coincidence they were born within a week of each other," Chris shrugged.

"So what happened there? I mean, you loved Stephanie, and didn't you want to be with her? I mean, from what I gather, you always thought it was kind of a mistake not to be with her, wait, how did she even take that news?"

_I remember breathing deeply when Jessica told me she was pregnant. It wasn't supposed to happen, we were careful, we weren't planning on having a child at the time. It wasn't planned at all actually. But she was my wife, and it wasn't like I could keep celibate, and why would I? I mean, at the time, I loved Stephanie, hell, I loved her the entire time, but it was just…complicated._

_We never really defined our lives outside of our affair. We never discussed if we were going to sleep with our spouses on a regular basis or anything, it just wasn't something you discussed. I mean, how do you even make rules for that? How can you police that? Yes, we love each other, but you're married, but don't have any physical contact? It just didn't work that way. Nowadays, Stephanie doesn't, but that's because she knows that her marriage is over, and I think on some level, so does Paul. But then, it wasn't like we had any right to demand that of each other._

"So you're trying to justify sleeping with your wife?" Adam asked.

"I guess in a way, but that was mostly my guilt talking," Chris told him. "I guess I just…like, I did feel guilty, but it wasn't towards Jessica, it was for Stephanie. I still feel horrible about that, about knowing this woman was carrying my child, and yet I was sleeping with another woman."

"Who was your wife though," Adam pointed out. "Like you said, you weren't doing anything wrong."

"Not technically, but you can feel it in your bones, you know, that guilt that runs deeper than just marriage, the kind when you know you're betraying someone you truly love, someone you really, truly care for, and that's what it was with Stephanie. I felt guilt beyond marriage."

"You should have left Jessica."

"I was thinking about it, contemplating it," Chris said, "it was just, the timing of it all."

_I wanted to leave Jessica, and I brought it up with Stephanie a couple times, but she always rebuffed my efforts to broach the subject. It was always about Ash and Ash's well-being. By this time, Paul and everyone else knew she was pregnant, so it wasn't like that was an easy situation either. Paul was…Paul, he was happy, but not excited, but I think that's just the guy's personality. I don't think he gets truly excited, he gets really amped but not excited. I hated him for it. I hated him for having what was mine and not being the happiest man on the planet for it. _

_I think Stephanie was really just scared though. I think by this point, she knew she was in too deep, that she'd put herself in a position where if she wanted the truth to come out, a whole avalanche would follow. So Ash was just an excuse for her insecurities, and eventually the twins became another excuse, especially because they were born prematurely, and have had some health issues. It took a lot of persuading, a lot of talks, and a lot of time for her to accept that things had to change, but then, back then, she just couldn't face it._

_Then I was about to drop the bomb on her._

_Now, when I did get to see her, she would update me on all the baby things, ultrasounds, vitals, everything because I wanted to know. I could have taken the easy way out, just let this child slip from my mind, pretend that it wasn't mine, that it was, in fact, Paul's child, and Stephanie's timing was just off. But that's not me. If there was even the slightest chance this kid was mine, I had to know, I had to be there._

_She was good about it though, but that's Stephanie, she's always on top of things. When I found out about Jessica, I was stunned that it could happen. When we found out they were twins, I just…I was happy in a sense because I loved kids, and I was getting two for the price of one, but at the same time, I kept thinking about that other kid, what it meant for Stephanie, what it meant for me, and how selfish I was thinking I could have it all._

_There are certain moments in your life where you realize just how much and how badly you've screwed up. You look at the litter you've left behind you, and you see a trail of bad choices. That's what I could see, that's _all_ I could see immediately after we found out it was twins. I just saw myself making that one fateful mistake of sleeping with her the night I won the WCW title. And from there, just a litany of bad mistakes, and I kept seeing times I could have stopped it, and didn't. I should have told her no, but I couldn't._

_It was another meeting, I don't want to say clandestine, but I was doing some business with Fozzy, and asked her to lunch. She eagerly agreed because she wanted to give me an ultrasound picture. I still have them all, the ones of my Rora. It was surreal thinking she might be having my baby. I still tried to hold onto the small rationale that told me this might not be my child, but deep down, I think I knew. I think I always knew that Aurora was mine. I kept her ultrasounds in a drawer in my office, and sometimes, I would just pull them out and look at her little blobby figure, and I loved her. I loved her from the very start._

_I remember Stephanie sitting down and she had the picture ready and everything, sliding it across the table. "She's doing so well, Chris, she's measuring great, heartbeats strong, and she's kicking, and it's so weird! Like, I don't know, it's like, there is a person inside of me moving around, and it's crazy to think I'm carrying around someone who is going to be a grown-up someday, I'm so crazy, right?"_

_I laughed because she was adorable. It was her first pregnancy, and everything was new and surreal for her, "No, I mean, I can't imagine what that feels like, but it is pretty crazy when you put it like that."_

"_It's just, this little thing is going to grow up to have dreams and aspirations, and it's crazy to think that we did this," she told me, and at least when she was with me, she always referred to the baby as mine. I know she did the same with Paul, for obvious reasons, but I liked that she did that with me too._

"_I know the feeling," I said, and it was probably a terrible thing to say given the circumstances, and I remember cringing._

_She just looked at me for a moment, and she started up again about the baby, and how she was doing, catching me up on every little thing about the baby. Rora was perfect in her eyes already, and it was and still is a beautiful thing to see Stephanie as a mother. She's the best businesswoman in the world, but mother is the role she was born to play. She has everything down. I don't even know how she does it, but she does. She holds the world together. She's like duct tape._

"Did you compare your future…whatever to duct tape?" Adam laughed. "Seriously, duct tape?"

"Okay, tell me this, hot shot, think about everything Stephanie does for this company, tell me she's not duct tape," Chris challenged him.

"Not fair, I'm just saying duct tape seems so…lame," Adam said.

"It's not, duct tape is a very good adhesive, and there's that saying, you know duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together. That's Stephanie in a nutshell, she has her good side, her bad side, and she holds the universe together."

"She is pretty kickass, but still, duct tape?"

_Okay, so she's more like glue, I hope that's better. She's the glue that holds me together. In that moment, I didn't want to shatter her, but as she was talking, I laid my hand on top of hers, which was on top of the ultrasound. I remember thinking that the irony of that was ridiculous. She looked up at me, turning over her hand, lacing our fingers together, and I gave her hand a squeeze._

"_Stephanie, there's something I have to tell you."_

"_Chris, we discussed you leaving your wife and Ash, and I just—"_

"_It's not that," Chris said, "look, it's just, I don't want to beat around the bush with this, so I think I just need to say it, Jessica is pregnant."_

"_Oh…"_

_She just stared at me for a good long while, just looking at my face. She looked down to the ultrasound still under our joined hands, and she slowly pulled it away. "Wow…that's a…that's something."_

"_She's…we're having twins."_

_She blinked. I remember the blinking because it was so rapid, like hummingbirds had taken over her eyelids. She coughed, and she stared at something over my shoulder. I think she was too shocked to speak, and I didn't know what to say to ease the pain. She just blinked, sitting there, blinking, trying to process it all._

"_I'm glad you didn't leave her."_

"_What?" I was so confused._

"_I mean, twins are a blessing," she told me, and she was being valiant when I knew she just wanted to cry or get angry with me, but she wouldn't let herself. She looked like she wanted to snatch the ultrasound away, but thankfully, she didn't. _

"_Stephanie."_

"_Chris, look," she said slowly, "I never wanted you to leave Jessica. And I never asked you to stay faithful to me because…I'm not your wife. We always knew that this thing between us would stay between us. And it has, for the most part, and I'm okay."_

"She wasn't okay," Adam called it as he saw it.

"Of course she wasn't okay, but do you expect Stephanie to ever admit to that?" Chris asked. "Even now, sometimes I have to pry her feelings out of her. I love her to death, but she's stubborn and headstrong, and she believes she's always right."

"_Steph…" I tried repeating her name, hoping she would understand and talk to me about what she was really feeling, but I knew that I was fighting a losing battle._

"_I don't want you to leave your wife, not with twins, not now. I will be okay, our daughter will be okay, and it's not like I'm saying you can't see her, you can see her whenever you want, but I just can't…with two new babies on the way, I can't, Chris…"_

"_I know," I told her, and it was difficult, but I couldn't even justify myself right then. I felt like I needed to be there for Jessica, even if it was at the expense of Stephanie._

"_I'm not saying I want you out of our kid's life," Stephanie reiterated. That's one thing she's never really tried to do, keep me away from my kids. It's not been easy, but she never kept them away from me if I wanted to see them. There were times she wanted to, I know, but she couldn't. It's been difficult being a father to them, but…well, we've tried to make it work. _

"_I wouldn't want to be."_

"_I just don't think _we're_ ever going to work, Chris." I didn't want to believe that, but it was becoming clearer and clearer that it might be true. For all our love, maybe we just weren't ever supposed to get it right._

"_Maybe you're right."_


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Thanks for reading this weird, rambling story! Hope you enjoy, leave a review! :)

* * *

"So you promised to stay away from her again? Did it actually work that time or…"

"Yeah, for the most part. I mean, she would send me emails letting me know how Aurora doing, how she was measuring, but they were never anything but formal, like reading medical records or something. She just kept it like she was letting me know."

"I'm surprised she let you know at all," Adam said. "I mean what with her kind of being pushed away so to speak."

"I didn't push her away, but it was like, I don't know, I mean, looking back now, we can both say how stupid we were, how we shouldn't have let that incident go that far, you know, how we still could have been with one another, but that's all hindsight, and you can't think about the things you didn't do. She's always given me access to my children though, she's always been willing to give whatever I need with regards to the girls, and this was just an example of that. She knew that I would want to know what was going on with Aurora, so she kept me informed."

"In the most clinical way possible," Adam added, "but what was going to happen when Aurora was born? I mean, were you _planning _on being there? I know that the twins were born prematurely so you couldn't be there, but were you going to be?"

_I wanted to be, I know that it wasn't ideal, and I know that I couldn't actually _be_ in the delivery room with her, but I wanted to be close by. It's a horrible feeling knowing your kid is going to be born and not being able to be there to see it. Ash was induced, so I planned to be there, I knew I was going to be there, but with Aurora, there were no plans for that. I just wanted to be in the area, but I was doing a play in Canada, and maybe it was for the best._

_She wanted me there though, I mean, she didn't put it in so many words, but she did. She called me a couple weeks before her due date, she said it was just to check in, but I think it was more than that, "Chris, hey, it's me."_

"_Oh, hey," I said, going into my office so Jessica wouldn't hear me. "What's up, is everything okay with Aurora?"_

"_Yeah, everything is fine, I just wanted to let you know we're on schedule. I'm just so busy that I probably won't have enough time to email you, and I just wanted to let you know, I mean, you know, in case you were worrying about me not sending you any since I like to think I've been diligent about that."_

"_You have, and thank you for keeping me updated about her, I really wanted to know how she was doing, and I'm glad that she's doing well."_

"_Yeah, I'm just sitting over here, big as a house," she laughed, "my mom says I should have been taking pictures every month of the pregnancy so I could see just how big I've gotten, but I told her she was crazy because I'm huge, I've gained so much weight, and the last thing I want to do is reminisce about how I know I gained too much weight even if my doctor says it's fine."_

_I smiled at her worry, but I also wished I could be there for her too. Stephanie has always been self-conscious about herself. She's gotten better over the years, and it's not such a huge issue now, but when I first met her, and I'm sure you knew it too, you were there, she was really self-conscious about her looks. She always took scrutiny too hard. If anyone ever said anything against her looks, it was always just something she took way too much to heart._

"_You're beautiful," I told her, "you will always be beautiful."_

"_You're slightly biased, I'm carrying your child."_

"_I'm biased, but I'm right."_

"_Chris, what if she looks completely like you?"_

"_Steph, trust me, it's going to be okay, look, this isn't an ideal situation for me either, you think I like it that some other guy is going around thinking he's my kid's dad, I hate it, but right now, the alternative isn't much better."_

"_I'm sorry, do you think we could do things differently?"_

"_I wish we had. I wish we could, I wish things wouldn't be so complicated," I said, wishing I could take away all her pain._

"_I wish that you could, well, just to say, I'm due in a couple week, and I just, well, I just wanted you to know that I'm due in a couple weeks."_

_I could hear the words behind her words. I could hear her asking me if I was going to be there, if I _could_ be there, but I didn't know if I could. At the time, I told her about the play, told her that it probably wasn't going to be possible, and that was the truth. But there was more to it. The more to it was that I didn't think it possible for me to be there and not just whisk her away. I'd have to sneak in for one, or just wait until she went home and Paul was out, and that just seemed…wrong._

_It just seemed wrong to have to sneak in to see my daughter, and once I saw her, I just knew that I would want to keep her. I wouldn't be able to let her go. The first time I _did_ see her, I nearly did that, I nearly just took her and took Stephanie and said to hell with it, but then I thought about Cheyenne and Sierra, and how they were still in the hospital, and I felt so guilty just being there._

"When did you meet Aurora? Obviously you weren't there for her birth then the twins happened, and that had to be so trying, I mean, I remember when that happened, and they were so little. You sent pictures to a bunch of us because you were so happy to meet them, but they were so tiny and just looked so frail."

"They were for a long time, but thank God we had the best care for them," Chris said, thinking about his daughters, who were bright, energetic, and beautiful now. When they were born, though, it was a whole different story. He was so scared for them, so scared he was going to lose them, and every moment felt like this heavy cloud was just hovering over him, waiting to pour on him. "I met Aurora when she was a couple weeks old."

_I had a meeting with the publishers for my book. It was still in the writing stage, and they wanted to check my progress because I was slated for a book release in late 2007. This was business so I had to take time away from the girls and Jessica for it. I hate to think it, but I was a little relieved. It's just so hard when you have a small child and two children fighting for their lives. It's difficult and it's trying, and you feel like any second the shoe is going to drop, so to get away was a blessing._

_Plus, the meeting was in New York, and that meant I could easily drive to Connecticut. It was a Monday, so I knew Paul wasn't going to be around, so Stephanie would be free. I didn't even plan it that way, it just worked out, like the planets were aligning to let me see my daughter. I didn't call Stephanie beforehand, I just didn't want her to tell me that I should stay in Florida because of Cheyenne and Sierra. She'd heard of course, left me a voicemail when I was with them one day._

"What did she say?" Adam wondered. "I mean, obviously she's not cruel so I don't think she would say anything mean about it."

"God, of course not," Chris shook his head. "She just told me that she was thinking about me and the girls, and about Jessica too, and that she hoped the girls were doing well, and it was just a nice friendly message."

"From the woman who'd just given birth to your fourth child," Adam said.

"Yes, I'm well aware of what she was."

_After the meeting, I called her, "Chris, hi, how are you?" Her tone was sympathetic, and God, that woman. Even when I pretty much fucked her over, when she should have hated me, all she felt for me was sympathy and worry. I don't deserve her in my life, I mean, yeah, we've made our mistakes, but she's still far greater than I'll ever be._

"_I'm okay."_

"_How are your girls? Are they doing better?"_

"_As well as can be expected. They're up to three pounds each right now so it's great that they've actually gained weight. They still are light sensitive and they're still on respirators, but they're still hanging in there."_

"_They're your daughters, of course they're hanging in there. You're an iron man. They picked up those genes. They're just proving it a lot earlier than you," Stephanie told him "but I'm glad to hear that they're doing at least a little better. You know if you ever need to talk, we can. I think at some point we were friends, right?"_

_I chuckled, "Yeah, I think we were once upon a time, so…"_

"_She's doing great."_

"_She's beautiful," I told her, thinking back to the pictures Stephanie sent me a few days after she was born then when she was a week old. I wondered if she was going to send some every week for the rest of Aurora's life, and…yes, pretty much, even now, when I haven't seen the girls in a few days, she takes a ton of pictures and sends them to me."_

"I can see that," Adam laughed.

"_Thank you, she has your eyes, but she's dark-haired."_

"_She looks like you," I told her, and Aurora does, she looks so much like Stephanie it's crazy. "She's good though, health-wise."_

"_Yeah, she's great, Chris," she told me, "she's healthy, and she's beautiful, and you don't need to worry about her. Just focus on Cheyenne and Sierra right now, they need all of your attention."_

"_I know, but my daughter is two weeks old and I haven't seen her yet, which brings me to my next point. I'm in New York right now, and I was just hoping that maybe I could come by. I had a meeting today for my book, and I just…I thought since I'm here for the night if maybe…since Paul isn't there because of Raw…"_

"_Yes, yes, I'd like that," she told me, and I quickly hung up because I wanted to get there. _

_I don't think I've ever driven so fast in my life. I probably broke a bunch of speeding laws, but I didn't care, my daughter was waiting on the other side. It wasn't how I imagined meeting her, but I didn't care, I was just going to meet her, and hold her, and I don't know, after the twins, knowing I had one healthy daughter who I wouldn't have to just look at through an incubator, covered in tubes, it was just something of a relief._

_I felt guilty for that, but I just needed an escape, and when I arrived at her house, it was standing on the other side. I just hugged her. I don't know, I let it all out in that hug, just how stressed I was, how upset I was over the girls, how worried I was about their health, how much I missed her, how much I wanted to see Aurora, everything just came out and she hugged me tighter than tight, and she rubbed my back because she understood. She's understood me in ways nobody else has. She still does. Whenever I feel like something is wrong in my life, she knows how to fix it, even if I have no clue where to start, she's already halfway to making it better._

_She ushered me into the house and pulled away so she could look me in the face, "You are a sight for sore eyes."_

"_I missed you so much."  
_

"_I missed you too."_

"_I wish I could have been there."_

"_I know you do, but it's okay, I did great on my own, well, not on my own, no, no, I was the one that did all the work, it was on my own," Stephanie said, "you want to see her? You came at the perfect time, she's still awake and ready to meet you."_

_Meeting her was surreal. She was perfect, ten fingers, ten toes, chubby cheeks, and I could hold her, something I hadn't yet been able to do with either Cheyenne or Sierra. Just holding her took so much weight off my shoulders. I held her for an hour at least, Stephanie sitting beside me, telling me about all the little quirks Aurora already had. She had personality from day one. She still does, that girl is going to run the world if they don't figure out she's crazy._

_I ended up staying the night. No funny business, no sex, nothing like that, it was like when we were friends and things weren't complicated. Oh, they still were, unbelievably so, I mean, I was sharing a house with someone I had a lengthy affair with and our daughter, who nobody knew was our daughter while my wife was with my premature twin daughters born a week before my other daughter. Still, we just ended up talking all night and she helped me through a lot._

"So even when she knew you were going back to your wife and kids, she still helped you."

"Yeah, that's how amazing she is. She put aside everything just to make me feel better."

"No wonder you could never turn your back on her."

"No, I never did, but I sure tried."


End file.
